A long way from home
by Sayuri-2012
Summary: An adventure that takes Benson and Stabler out to the Far East where they encounter a lot more than they bargained for. Will they survive the trip? E/O. COMPLETE
1. Prologue

Prologue

_She knew she was trapped. The walls looked thin, but there were no windows and the only door in and out opened directly into his room. She could hear the low noise of the television and occasionally he would chuckle softly. She had absolutely no idea what he was watching. It sounded like a stream of gibberish to her, interspersed with over the top exclamations of what she assumed was surprise. She could catch one sound that was being repeated over and over. It sounded like "Hairrrrrrr" and was inevitably followed by squeals of high-pitched laughter. It all added to the realization that this place was as foreign to her as anywhere she could ever have imagined. _

_ She thought back to when she'd first ran into him. He had seemed so friendly, a regular guy. Everyone here had been friendly in fact and so she had just assumed he was yet another product of a culture that prided itself on its politeness and enthusiasm for welcoming guests to their land. All the years growing up with the importance of personal safety constantly being rammed home to her, had been thrown out of the window as she had found herself entranced by this supposedly safe land and succumbed to a false sense of security, that had tricked her into believing she was in no danger. So she had gone with this stranger, never once suspecting an ulterior motive. He had offered her some tea and she had gratefully accepted. Of course now it was something she would regret for the rest of her life. How could she have let her guard down? _

_ She sank back against the thin mattress which was laid over the strange straw matted floor. There was a curious smell in the room. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was a significant reminder that she was extremely far from home right now. The pillow was rock hard too. It actually felt as though it had stones in it. She wondered if this was standard fare or whether it had been specially designed to give her as much discomfort as possible. The duvet was odd too. Well it was more the cover. It had a huge hole in the top. The edges were all tucked inside the white fabric, as was the underside which rested against her body, but on the top, the duvet, which incidentally was covered with a particularly garish flowery pattern, was mostly completely exposed via this rounded large gap in the fabric of the cover. She wondered if it was possibly intended as a airing method. Summer nights were certainly hot and humid here. It was a completely different type of heat to that of New York. _

_ Suddenly the noise of the TV disappeared, interrupting her musings, and she realised he must have turned it off. She froze. Would he now finally make his move on her? So far he had done nothing except keep her effectively locked up in this room. He had silently brought her food and water and escorted her to the bathroom at regular intervals and had even allowed her to shower but he hadn't as yet laid a finger on her. When she had first woken up and her grogginess and disorientation had helped her realise she must have been brought here after being drugged, she had resigned herself to the certainty that his intentions were unlikely to be good. The fact that she had been here for two whole days now and he still hadn't touched her bothered her immensely. It was torturous waiting. In some ways she wished he'd just get it over with and end the constant anticipation and fear. _

_ She waited nervously, but he didn't enter her room. She heard the shuffling of feet, the sound of running water, the rough scraping of a toothbrush against teeth and then a few moments later the sound of a toilet flushing. Then she heard the shuffling seem to grow closer again, followed by the sound of him nestling under his own covers. She realised that once again he was obviously going to go to sleep, still without revealing his true intentions towards her. _

_ She felt the tears welling in her eyes as she acknowledged the absolute hopelessness of her situation. She was trapped somewhere, it really could be anywhere, in a foreign country where she barely knew a word of the language, with a stranger; a man whom she feared yet at the same time reluctantly recognised as being her only lifeline. Even if she could escape this place she had no idea where she was or where to go, let alone the fact that this guy had removed her wallet and passport and all her clothes besides the ones she was currently wearing. He would hand her a fresh change of clothes every morning and evening and leave her to change alone. He would later return and scoop up her old clothes and take them away to wash. It made her wonder how long he planned to keep her here if he was going to the trouble of washing her clothes. _

_If only she could get to a phone. She had seen this guy had a cell phone but he kept it in his back pocket and she couldn't see how she could possibly get it from him without his knowledge. Her situation was truly hopeless. Her tears rolled down her cheeks unchecked as she thought of what everyone might be doing back home right now. She wondered if anyone even realised she was gone yet._


	2. Chapter 1

1

Olivia stared back at her reflection in the mirror and sighed. She should have known agreeing to this would be a huge mistake. Her friend had pushed her into it, insisting that she'd have a great time and here she was stuck with the dullest, most irritating man she had probably ever met in her life. Moreover he was hideously fussy about his food, refused to share any dishes and had deliberately picked the cheapest thing he could eat from the menu. He had resisted her suggestion that they get a bottle of wine and had asked deliberately for _tap_ water, stating that he was not about to pay for a bottle of mineral water when it was probably just filled from a regular faucet anyway.

It wasn't that she had anything against being thrifty, but this was their first date after all. Was it really necessary to scrimp quite so much? Besides this guy was generally doing her head in. She wondered how she could get out of it early. The plan had been dinner followed by a movie. She supposed it wouldn't be too tortuous to go along to the cinema. At least if they were watching a movie there would be no need for conversation. However, she wasn't in the mood to be potentially fending off his advances if he decided he liked her and tried to make a move. She got the distinct impression from his leering grin, that he was probably keen. She was really regretting choosing this outfit now. The thought of kissing him almost turned her stomach. No, she would have to make her excuses and escape early.

She ran her hands under the water. She was probably pushing it with the amount of time that she could keep him waiting without him sending a search party in for her. Sighing again, she reached for her phone and placed it to her ear. It was time for the fake 'I'm sorry I've been called into work' act. The irony was that such a call usually only came when she was out with someone she actually liked.

She stepped back out into the restaurant and immediately saw he was sitting staring intently at the rest room door, waiting for her. As soon as he saw her he waved frantically, grinning inanely at her and his actions caused several nearby diners to turn their heads to see who he was waving at so energetically. She tried to suppress the embarrassment she felt at having this much attention drawn to her bathroom trip and quickly walked across the restaurant and sidled into her seat, pointedly closing her phone as she did.

"I was about to ask the waitress to check in on you," he said worriedly.

Seriously? she thought. What if she had a perfectly legitimate reason for taking so long in the bathroom? When you gotta go, you gotta go, right?

"I'm sorry," she said apologetically. "I had a call. It was my boss."

"No!" he said loudly, once again causing nearby heads to turn. She shrank down a little bit into her chair as he continued excitedly. "Don't tell me, you've been called into work?"

"Erm, I'm afraid so," she said awkwardly. "I'm on call I'm afraid." She reached for her glass of water to take a quick sip. Her throat suddenly felt extremely dry.

"Give me your phone and let me have a word with your boss!" he said mocking sternness before erupting into a huge guffaw of laughter that took her by surprise and almost caused her to drop her glass.

She amicably feigned a small chuckle and picked up her bag, clutching it under her arm. "Well, I have to dash, but thanks for tonight. Do you want something towards the meal?"

"Forty should cover it," he said quickly. "After all you had that glass of wine…" She frowned. Forty would more than likely cover most of his meal too. They weren't exactly in the Ritz.

"Fine," she said handing him the money, deciding the sooner she escaped his company the better. Arguing over the bill would just prolong the torture.

"Call me!" he said.

"Sure," she lied, giving him a quick and awkward smile before she left, quickly.

She stepped out into the warm summer night and hailed a cab. As she sank down into the back seat, she resolved never to go on a blind date again. It was far better to be single than go through another experience like that.

"Where to, Ma'am?" the cab driver asked her.

"Joe's on 53rd," she instructed. She wasn't in the mood to go home yet. The night was still young after all… and she needed a drink more than ever now.

They were almost there when she heard her cell phone ringing. She grimaced as she wondered if it was him calling her already, but when she checked it her heart almost stopped. There was a name she hadn't seen for a while and certainly hadn't been expecting tonight! Elliot.

She cradled her phone for a few more rings, wondering why he could possibly be calling her now, after all this time. She felt a surge of hurt replaced immediately by anger. It had been almost two years since he had upped and left without explanation. Since then she could count on one hand the number of times he had phoned her, although admittedly he had sent her the very occasional email. Who on earth did he think he was, calling her out of the blue like this? Did he expect her to just drop everything and answer him? It was Friday night. Shouldn't he be assuming she was out… _with somebody_?

Her curiosity got the better of her though and before her brain could prevent it, she realised her fingers had already pressed the 'answer call' button.

"Elliot!" she said as neutrally as she could.

There was a slight pause before a very familiar voice spoke back to her.

"Hi Liv." It was strange how normal he sounded to her after all this time.

"Hi." She repeated. There was no way she was going to make this easy for him. There was another brief silence.

"I missed you," he finally said.

"Don't give me that bull shit," she replied curtly. "What do you want El...liot?" It was almost too easy to fall into the familiar nickname she had for him. She was determined to maintain an obvious distance. He had hurt her deeply with his sudden disappearance and hearing his voice again, she realised just how much it still stung even now.

"I need to see you."

"Why now?" She could have kicked herself. She should be telling him no, she was too busy, out on a hot date or something.

"Can I come over? I'll explain when I get there."

"OK." She again found her mouth moving before she could stop herself.

"Be there in twenty minutes," he said before hanging up.

She made it back to her place a good ten minutes before he arrived and had enough time to change. There was no way she was treating him to the provocative outfit she had for some reason thought would be a great idea for her date this evening. She quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a top and tied her hair back in a pony tail.

The doorbell rang and she buzzed him in.

He stepped inside, a little sheepishly to his credit, and refused her offer of a drink, parking himself on her sofa. He looked kind of agitated.

"Why are you here, Elliot?" she asked finally.

"Liv, I know this is sudden and I know I should have stayed in touch better, but you know I still think of you as my best friend?"

"How can you say that? I've hardly heard from you in the last two years!"

"I know Liv and I'm really sorry. Truly I am. It's just I…I need you right now."

_He needs me? What about when I needed him? Where was he the last two years? _

She looked at him and suddenly realised that he was actually pretty upset.

"Tell me. What's happened?" she asked gently. It was amazing that all this time could pass, that he could treat her like he had, yet at the end of the day she found that she still cared about him. She could see that something was bothering him and since it had brought him here after all this time, she recognised it must be something big.

"It's Lizzie," he said desperately. "She's disappeared." She heard the catch in his voice and saw the distress on his face. Olivia's heart sank as she took in his words and unconsciously she reached out to him resting her hand supportively on his arm. "She and a friend were determined to travel this summer," he continued. "If only I had put my foot down and insisted she shouldn't go."

"She's nineteen Elliot," Olivia said. "She's not a child any more."

"I know, but it was to Japan, Liv. Why couldn't she have gone somewhere more, I don't know, normal: Europe or Canada or somewhere? Why Japan?

"Japan? Wow!" Olivia was impressed. She had no idea that Lizzie had been interested in the far east.

"She and her friend Tammy left a couple of weeks ago. They were having a great time by all accounts, but two days ago she just disappeared. Tammy waited a whole day before letting anyone know too, deciding to try and look for her herself first. No one has any idea where she is or what happened to her. Tammy's parents are flying out tonight to bring her home. I have to go there, Liv. I have to find Lizzie."

"OK," said Olivia, wondering exactly what this had to do with her. She didn't have to wait long for the answer.

"I want you to come with me!"

"What?" she stammered.

"Come with me, Liv. Help me find her."

"What about Kathy?" Surely she was the person he should be asking to travel half way around the world with him? "

"She needs to stay with Eli. We can't all go. Besides he has school."

"Fine, I get that, but why me?"

"You're great at languages. According to Lizzie they don't seem to speak much English over there."

"I don't speak a word of Japanese though," she said, baffled.

"I know, but you're good at communicating with people. You might pick some words up. Besides, I need someone I trust with me, someone to keep me thinking straight and keep me calm. I need you Liv."

She tried to take in what he was asking of her. He had the nerve to turn up like this out of the blue, no explanation as to why he hadn't been in contact all this time and then he expected her to just drop everything to travel half way around the world to a country she knew next to nothing about to help him find his missing daughter. He must be crazy.

"I can't just drop everything and go with you to _Japan_!" she said incredulously.

He moved his hands then and took both of hers in his and looked directly into her eyes. She noticed then that his eyes looked slightly damper than usual and he seemed to be struggling to control himself. Her heart suddenly went out to him. She had never seen him looking quite this distraught, this desperate. She could only imagine the worry and pain he felt at the thought of what might have happened to his youngest daughter.

"Liv, I know what I did to you was unforgivable, but I need your help. Please say you'll come with me."

It went against everything her good sense was screaming out to her, but seeing him like this, virtually begging in front her, how could she refuse?

"OK," she said.

"OK?" he asked cautiously.

"OK," she said. "I'm due some leave. I'll ring Cragen right now and tell him I need some time off. You're lucky I just wrapped up a case! When do you want to leave?"

"You're serious? You'll really come with me?"

"I told you yes, didn't I?"

"Oh Liv, I promise I'll make this up to you. Thank you, thank you. You'll never know how much this means to me." He raised her hands to his mouth and kissed them impulsively. She pulled her hands away feeling incredibly awkward. They didn't do that.

"When do you want to leave?" she asked, glad to move the focus away from what had just happened.

"As soon as possible!" he said. "You ring Cragen and I'll ring the airline and get us the next available tickets."

"Fine," she agreed.

What on earth had just happened? Had she really just agreed to go with him to _Japan_? This had to be one of the weirdest days she had ever experienced. She was floored. She had absolutely no idea what to expect. She thought of poor Lizzie and wondered what could have happened to her. Her years in the job she did, meant that she had little difficulty in imagining potential worst case scenarios, but she was unwilling to accept that something bad could really have happened to Elliot's daughter, a girl she had effectively watched grow up. No, they would find her. They had to. If they didn't she was certain it would destroy her old partner and despite everything, she had no desire to watch that happen.


	3. Chapter 2

2

They had just checked in their bags and were now heading towards the restaurant area of the airport for a coffee, although Olivia had already decided she would need something considerably stronger, despite the early hour. She had been hit with the realisation that it was a thirteen hour long flight to Osaka. She had known that Japan logically had to be that far away when she had agreed to go with Elliot the previous evening, but in the cold light of day, the thought of such a long flight filled her with nervous anticipation. She wasn't too keen on the idea of sitting for so long with not much to do, apart from talk to a man she had barely heard from during the last two years. Theoretically they should have plenty to talk about, but she felt hesitant after all this time and their conversation so far had been extremely awkward.

Seeing him again had stirred emotions in her that she had buried deeply. He had been her best friend and yet he had just walked out of her life and left her with barely a word of explanation. She had thought she had known him well, but she hadn't been expecting him to suddenly disappear like he had. It wasn't something she would be able to easily forgive or forget although she was determined to try and at least pretend to him she wasn't bothered. She didn't want him to know just how much she had been affected by what he had done. He had moved on with his life and she wanted to show him she had moved on with hers.

She decided to order a whisky with her coffee and ignored Elliot's surprised expression as she asked for both drinks. Bracing herself for the inevitable sarcastic comment she was certain was coming any second, she was momentarily flummoxed when he echoed her order, asking for exactly the same.

"Thirteen hours is a long flight," she commented awkwardly, as if that completely explained the uncharacteristic early morning drink.

"And we have a lot to talk about," he said. She cringed. It was true. They probably did need to talk really, but she had been hoping to avoid it if at all possible.

She poured the whisky into her coffee and stirred it briefly, before taking a sip. He mimicked her actions and they drank in silence, both hoping the alcohol would go some way to reducing the tenseness of the situation. They never had been very good at talking about their feelings directly.

By the time they were on their third whisky, the atmosphere was decidedly more relaxed. They decided to pop into the bookshop and pick up a travel and language guide. There wasn't long to go until the flight departed now, so they headed towards the departure gate. It was kind of exciting in a way to know they were heading towards one of the more exotic destinations served by the airport. Neither had any idea what to expect.

Olivia glanced at Elliot surreptitiously. She knew he was worried out of his mind about Lizzie and despite the fact that she was somewhat disconcerted at his sudden reappearance in her life, she felt he deserved her unconditional support right now. She would try and put her feelings aside, for him. Yes, he had deeply hurt her, but she still cared about him and his children. Who knew what situation they would find out there? She only hoped that they would be able to locate Lizzie live and well quickly and then maybe they could work out where they stood as far as their friendship was concerned. She was sceptical and couldn't help wondering if he would just up and disappear out of her life again once they found Lizzie and got back to New York.

"Kathy and I finally split up," he said suddenly, catching Olivia completely off guard.

"Really?" she said, impressing herself with how quickly she was able to pull herself together and produce a sensible response. Her mind was racing. When had this happened? Why hadn't she heard anything through the grapevine?

"I should have called you," he said.

"What's done is done," she replied matter-of-factly, even though she could feel her pulse racing.

"Liv, don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"My daughter is missing…"

"That's the reason I am here, Elliot," she said frustrated that he was trying to pull the sympathy card. "Did you really just think you could waltz back into my life and everything would be just like it was before?"

"No, I guess not. I just… I'm sorry. I truly am."

"I believe you. I just don't think I understand it."

"I don't think I do either," he replied miserably. "I just couldn't handle it."

With perfect timing, just as she wondered if she was finally close to getting a real explanation, their flight was announced for boarding. She sighed.

"Come on," she said, grabbing her hand luggage and the carrier bag with the travel guide inside. They would have to talk another time.

He followed her and they found their seats on the plane easily. There was no one else in their row. She took the window seat and he sat in the aisle, leaving the seat between them empty. She wasn't entirely certain why this irked her so much, but it did. He had coerced her into this trip and he wouldn't even sit next to her? She told herself to stop being so childish. He was probably just giving her space. He probably thought she wanted it. She hadn't exactly been overly receptive towards him, you could say cold even. What was he supposed to think? She dug into the plastic bag and brought out the travel guide.

"Where exactly was she last?" she asked him not even looking up from the pages she was looking at which had a large map of the whole country spread across them."

"Hiroshima," he replied. At least she had heard of it. Most of these other place names looked very strange.

"I guess we go to where she was last confirmed seen and hopefully work out where to look from there?"

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." He shuffled over into the middle seat now to look at the map himself. An air hostess immediately stepped over and frantically instructed him to fasten his seat belt as the plane would be departing soon. Always best to make sure your seat belt was safely buckled in at least a good half an hour before take-off, thought Elliot acrimoniously. Sometimes he wondered at the point of a seat belt at all: fat lot of good that would do them if the plane fell out of the sky. He realised he was probably being a little cantankerous. The lady was only doing her job. He smiled at her and obediently buckled his belt.

Olivia noted his shift in proximity with a slightly amused air. Had he needed the excuse of the book to move closer? She wondered if maybe it would have been better if he had remained in the outer seat. She suddenly felt self-conscious now he was right next to her. He leaned over and she felt his arm brush against hers slightly as he stared at the map. She suddenly found her attention more fixated on his arm rather than their future destination. She could feel the warmth coming from his body and she was horrified that she was focusing so much on him. Maybe it was normal though after all this time? They had to work out the balance again. People changed in two years and they were different people now. It would take time to get to know each other again and get back into a comfort zone.

"I can't believe I'm actually going to Japan," said Elliot. "I hate sushi." Olivia recognised it was an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Well you'll have to try some while we're there," she teased.

"Maybe," he said in a non-committed tone. She smiled. She wondered seriously how he would manage with the food. Of course given the reason they were going, it was very possible they wouldn't have the time or inclination to try much in the way of the local cuisine. For the umpteenth time, she silently pleaded to no one in particular for Lizzie's safety. Was it possible she had just got lost? By the time they arrived, she may already have turned up. She hoped fervently that would be the case.

The safety video started playing and the plane began to taxi. Hopefully take-off would be soon, for Olivia was ready for another drink. They finally reached the beginning of the runway and the plane stopped briefly before the engines revved and the huge jet started rolling down the tarmac. She suddenly felt a warm and rough hand slipping into hers as the plane gathered speed. It startled her. She hadn't taken Elliot to be a nervous flier. Unsure what to do, she remained transfixed on the overhead screen. She very slightly squeezed his hand back as she felt the aircraft shudder as it lifted off the ground in the way planes did which made you feel like the whole thing bounced back down a little before it went up. As the plane climbed into the sky, they remained with their hands tightly clasped. Her heart was racing. She had no idea whether she should pull away or wait for him to do so first. He had initiated this. Holding hands wasn't something they had ever done before. It was extremely disconcerting. The plane suddenly banked to the left as it adjusted its direction and simultaneously they broke contact.

Around fifteen minutes later the seat belt signs went off and the air stewards began preparing to serve some drinks.

"No turning back now," Elliot said. Olivia wondered whether he was referring to purely their destination.

"We'll find her, El," she said gently.

"I hope so," he replied heavily. He didn't want to think about the alternative. He was immensely grateful she was with him. He didn't think he would have been able to face this trip alone. The truth was he was terrified; more terrified than he had ever been in his life. The fact that the person he had gone to first was her, spoke volumes. He knew he would regret leaving her like he had for the rest of his life, but he had thought at the time that he had to. He had recognised she was starting to mean more to him than she should and he had to protect his marriage for the sake of his kids. In the end it had turned out fruitless, but he would never regret trying. He just wished he had been able to compartmentalize his feelings better and keep her in his life as a friend. He hoped she would still want to be one after this. He knew that he wouldn't walk away again. She deserved better than that.

When the drinks cart reached them, they both asked for some wine, which they sipped as they discussed their plan of action after their arrival in Osaka. There was a thirteen hour time difference to deal with but Elliot had no intention of wasting any time. He wanted to get a bullet train down to Hiroshima as soon as they arrived.

"I guess we should try and get some sleep on this flight," Olivia said, wondering how realistic that actually was. She had never been able to sleep well on planes. Maybe the wine would help though?

"I'm sorry Liv. I know we should probably just head straight to a hotel, but she's out there, alone. I have to find her!"

"I understand. I wouldn't expect anything else!" she said.

"I'll pay for everything," he said, wanting to clarify that before they arrived.

"You don't have to," she said.

"All the same, I will."

She didn't reply. There was no way she was going to let him pay for everything, but she would cross that bridge when she came to it.

"I'm glad you're here," he said. He looked away sadly. He knew it shouldn't have taken something like this to get them talking again. He wished things could have been different. Right now though, the important thing was finding Lizzie.


	4. Chapter 3

3

Olivia opened her eyes as she felt someone shaking her shoulders gently. For a second she hadn't the foggiest idea where she was and then Elliot came into focus and she remembered. She realised with horror that in sleep her head had rolled and was now leaning on him. She sat up immediately and felt the twinge in her neck which no doubt resulted from the odd sleeping position.

"Ouch," she moaned, raising her hand to her neck. The next thing she felt his hands on her, softly kneading her sore muscles. What was he doing? This was way beyond what she considered safe territory.

"Looks like they're bringing us some food at last," he said. "I thought I'd better wake you."

"What time is it?" she asked awkwardly, unable to concentrate on much other than the awkwardness she felt at having his hands on her neck and shoulders.

"We still have another three hours to go," he said. She marvelled at how she had somehow managed to sleep. That was a first. She definitely put it down to the uncharacteristic daytime drinking. Elliot coming over and keeping her up late the night before probably helped too.

She rose to her feet, deciding now would be the perfect time to visit the bathroom. The brief flash of disappointment on his face almost stopped her in her tracks until she decided she was imagining things. He was almost certainly just trying to prove he was grateful she had come along, nothing more. She could see the food trolley several rows up ahead, which meant she had enough time to pee - and collect herself at the same time.

"Back in a minute," she said stepping around Elliot carefully to get past him. As she walked away, she took a deep breath. Maybe it was all the worry turning him a little strange? All this touching was unnerving. She was much more comfortable with the bickering.

By the time she had finished in the bathroom, the food trolley had already passed her row and was now blocking her route back. She stepped into an empty row to allow it to pass and sat back down in her seat, once again wriggling past Elliot. She noticed there were two meals in front of them.

"I got you the chicken," he said.

"What was the choice?" she asked, a little indignant that he was now apparently making meal decisions for her.

"That or beef," he replied confidently.

"Thanks," she muttered, reluctantly having to admit to herself that he had made the right choice.

"So, what happened with Kathy?" she asked, hoping it would throw him a little and put him in the uncomfortable spotlight for a change.

"Just didn't work out," he said nonchalantly, shovelling another forkful of rice into his mouth. His attitude intrigued her to the point where she almost had to remind herself to close her mouth. He wasn't coming across like a man distraught about the end of a long marriage. She wondered what on earth had happened.

"I didn't mean to pry," she said.

"Yeah you did," he grinned at her. "But it's fine. You deserve to know anyway. Actually she cheated."

"What?" Olivia was shocked and her tone portrayed this. "Kathy? Cheated on you?"

"Yes, although technically we had split up again. I was a mess after everything that happened and I basically took it out on her and so we both decided it would be better for me to move out while I sorted my head out. It was supposed to be a temporary separation but she met someone else and so it became permanent."

"And you're OK with it?" she asked nervously, wondering when the real Elliot would reappear, the one that would be punching holes in things at the mention of his wife cheating on him.

"I had a lot of time to think about everything and I realised it was for the best. Our marriage was a mess for years. Sure we had our good moments. I'll always love her in a way. She'll always be the mother of my kids."

Olivia smiled despite the speech, which sounded to be honest like something he was repeating after several visits to a counsellor. She was glad they were able to stay amicable. She wasn't sure she would be as forgiving if her partner cheated on her and in her eyes it was cheating, even if he had moved out, for it sounded like Elliot had been under the impression they would get back together.

"Liv, so much has gone on. I couldn't deal with us on top of everything else. It's hard to explain."

"It's OK, Elliot," she said seriously. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. His life had been turned upside down and in a way she kind of got it. She knew they both cared for each other and she knew it was complicated. They had been partners first and foremost, sometimes like brother and sister, sometimes like best friends and sometimes like two high school students flirting with a relationship that could never be. Maybe at times she had longed for something more than he was able to give her and she knew they both felt the attraction between them. The line between platonic and romantic love was a delicate one and she suspected that both of them had blurred it on more than one occasion over the years. Right now though it was as clear as day. They were friends and she was here to help him find Lizzie. She had accepted the exact nature of their relationship months ago. Maybe he had detected her feelings towards him and that had been part of the reason he had stayed away? Maybe he had known that she needed the time to get her head straight too? She could only imagine how confusing it would have been for them both had he stayed in contact with her during his latest separation.

"Liv, I never wanted to hurt you," he said suddenly, interrupting her musings.

"Please, El. I know. We worked together. We were partners. We have separate lives outside the job. I get it." She was getting tired of this conversation and wished he would just drop it now.

"It's not that. It's not that I wanted you out of my life when I left the force. It's just…you were my best friend. I knew I shouldn't be thinking the things I was thinking and it just got overwhelming. I couldn't get my head round what I had done and you were there and I was terrified for you and in that moment I thought about all of the cases, the horror we faced day in day out and I knew that I couldn't do it any more because I…."

"You didn't care any more," she interrupted. She understood. They had always believed and said that when you stopped caring, it was time to quit the job.

"No, you've got it wrong. The problem is I cared too much," he whispered, looking at her intently, making sure she fully realised he was not talking about the job.

She looked down at her meal, avoiding his gaze, trying to regain her composure. What did caring too much mean anyway? They had been there before and it had almost cost them their partnership and friendship. This was the exact same thing, but this time it had lasted two years. Maybe this was how their relationship would be until the end of time? They'd grow closer and closer until one of them eventually piked and then they'd go their separate ways for a while before being drawn together again to start the process again. She realised she was tired of it now. Either they were going to be friends or they weren't. She didn't want to be on the emotional roller coaster any longer.

"Elliot," she said, now looking directly at him, trying to communicate her sincerity.

He returned her gaze, wondering why she suddenly seemed so serious.

"I can't do the on-off friendship thing any more. Either we're friends or we're not." She was dismayed to feel the burning of tears in her eyes and blinked furiously. _What if he decided not? _

"I know, Liv," he said. "It's not fair on either of us, especially you."

"I want you in my life Elliot," she said suddenly, surprising herself with her honesty. A wave of embarrassment enveloped her. Had she really just said that? Had she really just begged for his friendship? Her cheeks blushed red slightly and once again she transfixed her gaze onto her chicken.

He reached forward and touched her face, gently pulling her head and her gaze back towards him.

"I want you in mine too," he whispered. "I'm so sorry Liv. I'm here to stay this time, I promise."

"OK," she nodded slowly. She wasn't completely convinced, but she was willing to give it a try.

"Come here," he said and he hugged her as best he was able given their seating arrangements with food trays in front of them.

The rest of the flight went smoothly, thankfully with little turbulence and before long the "fasten your seat belt" signs came on as the aeroplane descended. Olivia stared out of the window looking out over the water which was dotted with the white lines of ships of various sizes. Kansai Airport had been built on a man-made island just off the coast of the outskirts of Osaka. As they landed the plane came down so low she couldn't help but wonder if they weren't going to land on the water but suddenly the runway came into view on the front monitor and the plane glided in gently, coming to a stop after it's huge engines went into reverse thrust almost immediately after touch-down. There was an announcement in both English and Japanese stating their arrival. The local time was 12:30, lunch time, a whole day after they had set off since they had travelled over the International Date Line during their journey. The temperature outside was 32`C. They reached for their hand luggage and followed the line as everyone disembarked.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N Sorry about the delay with this story. I am much more focused now as I have planned it out more fully, changing a couple of things that I originally intended. I can promise lots of drama and of course E/O. **

4

It was fascinating how even the airport seemed so foreign. Olivia had been under the impression that airports were the same the world over, but now she realised that it just wasn't the case. She was immediately struck with how efficient everything seemed to be. There was barely any delay between the aircraft pulling into the gate and their disembarkation and once they had stepped off the ramp of the bridge between the plane and the airport it was a short distance to a monorail. The carriage arrived at almost the same instant they arrived at the safety doors. Everyone stepped on in an orderly fashion and they were whisked to the main terminal. The silence struck her. It seemed everyone was too intent on traversing the airport to have any time to talk. She glanced at Elliot who seemed equally mesmerised.

Immigration was similarly efficient. They barely queued and the official even offered them a slight smile as he stamped their passports. They were both surprised that neither were asked any detailed questions but were ushered through quickly with no fuss whatsoever. Baggage claim was a huge spacious extremely clean looking room, with clear instructions, ample trolleys and several staff on hand. Their bags arrived intact and speedily and within minutes they were heading through customs and out into the arrivals area.

It was simple to follow the signs to the train station, which they did, both silent as they took in their surroundings. There were relatively few obvious foreigners around, despite the fact it was an international airport and Olivia suspected they both stood out like a sore thumb. Elliot didn't seem to even notice or care. He charged ahead, desperate to get on the train heading in the direction of Hiroshima and his daughter as soon as possible. Regretting her choice in heels, even low ones, Olivia scuttled after him, too proud to ask him to slow down a little.

Inevitably she stumbled, falling to the ground in a spectacular display of clumsiness. She cringed as about three strangers immediately rushed towards her to help her back up to her feet. Elliot spun around an exasperated expression on his face.

"Yeah, thanks El, I'm fine," she snapped as he made no effort to come to her aid but instead left her to be manhandled by strangers.

"Thank you," she said, trying to convince her good-hearted rescuers she was indeed absolutely fine. She felt a very slight twinge as she tested out her ankle with her full weight and sighed, hoping it was nothing serious. The three strangers, seeing her standing unaided nodded at her and left.

"You OK?" Elliot asked finally.

"I think so," she said, wincing as she stepped on her ankle to walk towards him.

"You don't look OK," he said, a brief hint of concern clouding his face for a second before he started smirking again. "I saw some wheelchairs back there. Shall I get you one?" She nearly hit him them, instead choosing to glare at him. She then strode ahead in the direction the signs were pointing them to and still grinning he followed her. He had missed her and their silly spats.

They approached the ticket office and stood in the short queue, waiting to be served. Olivia assumed that since they were at an international airport, they could reasonably expect a fluent English speaker. She was more than a little surprised then when her request for two tickets to Hiroshima was met with a blank stare.

"Er, Hiroshima?" she tried again. The simplification still didn't seem to help and Olivia wondered if perhaps the Japanese had a completely different name for the world-famous city and perhaps Hiroshima was something the West had conjured up after one two many drinks.

The guy serving her called over a colleague and now there were now two of them trying to figure out where the unusual pair of foreigners was trying to get to.

"Where travel ring?" asked the second man. Olivia realised what he was trying to ask and tried again, slowly this time.

"He-row-she-mer," she said.

"Ahhhh," sighed the man with obvious relief. "Hiroshima!"

Olivia realised her pronunciation had been slightly off, but surely it hadn't been that wild? In any case you would think there would be a fair number of foreigners travelling to the city given its history and how well-known it was around the world.

"Yes," she replied. She realised that simplicity was the way to go and so she held up two fingers as she asked for two tickets. She was amused to see a third man coming over now and all three started chattering away extremely fast. Japanese sounded so strange to her ears. It was nothing like any of the other languages she was familiar with. It was definitely fascinating. She couldn't pick a single word out. Finally the original employee handed her six little thin greenish cards which were obviously tickets. She didn't really understand why there were so many, but at least the destination said Hiroshima in both English and Japanese, so they must have done something right. The guy then furiously started typing on a calculator before turning it round to show her the price. She was slightly surprised to see that it cost the equivalent getting on for 300 dollars for both of them, realising that train travel certainly wasn't cheap here. She briefly decided she'd research the bus for their return trip.

With their tickets safely purchased they wandered down towards the tracks. The guy had told them by way of a finger that it was platform one. Once they arrived they saw on the monitor that they only had around six minutes to wait and something told Olivia that the train would be there exactly on time. Everything was just so precise. Even the platform was marked exactly where the train carriages would stop, so that they could line up in the right place as they waited.

Out in the open air, she realised how warm and humid it was. She saw a couple of brightly lit vending machines and stepped over to check them out. Knowing Elliot's preferences, she bought him a coke and herself a juice and wandered back over to him and handed the drink to him.

"Thanks," he said, smiling at her.

"Not that you deserve it," she said grumpily, remembering his unsympathetic attitude towards her fall upstairs.

"I'm sorry," he said sounding genuine this time. "I'm just so worried."

"I know," she said softly, her anger dissipating immediately as she thought of Lizzie.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, putting his arm around her lightly.

"I think so. I can feel a slight twinge when I walk, but it's nothing serious."

"At least you can rest it for a while on the train. How long does it take anyway?"

Olivia glanced at her tickets and he removed his arm much to her relief for she felt more than a little awkward when he was touching her. She thought she had worked it out. They had to catch two trains. There was one ticket for the whole journey, and then the two extra tickets were supplements for each train. The times were written down too. It would take about two hours and forty minutes in total.

A couple of minutes later they heard the announcement followed by the arrival of the train.

"Here, let me carry that," Elliot offered, now deciding to show concern about Olivia's foot.

"I'm fine, El," she replied a little embarrassed to have him offering to carry her bags for her. She felt like a complete idiot tripping over like that.

They got on to the train and sank down into two seats together, with Olivia by the window and Elliot in the aisle. The seats were wide and had plenty of foot room, much more than your average economy flight. Olivia suddenly began to see that maybe the price of the train was somewhat understandable. Efficiency and comfort cost money after all. The train slid out of the station and headed towards the main train station in Osaka from where they would catch the bullet train down to Hiroshima.

...

They finally arrived in Hiroshima and after leaving the train they were relieved to find there was a small tourist office in the station with an English speaking member of staff. She eagerly booked them a hotel for the night. It was close by the station, within walking distance, so they wandered over to check-in straight away. Once they had checked in the plan was to meet up with Lizzie's friend Tammy and her parents who had already arrived in Japan the previous evening. Once Tammy had told Elliot and Olivia everything she could, her parents would then take her back home to New York. Lizzie had been missing for almost four whole days now. Elliot was desperate to talk to his daughter's friend. He was hoping against hope that she would provide them a reasonable hypothesis as to where she could be and that they could find her safely with the minimum of fuss. Japan was supposed to be a relatively safe country. The crimes they had dealt with on a daily basis in New York were few and far between out here. There was a good chance that nothing untoward had happened to his daughter.

The hotel was simple but clean. The room was on the small side, but neither planned on spending much time there, so they weren't too bothered. For financial reasons they had decided to share a twin room. Olivia had hesitated and almost insisted on two singles, but then had decided to throw caution to the wind and just agree to share. If Elliot did end up annoying the crap out of her, which she kind of half-expected to be honest, she could always get an extra room later, she decided. It was weird out here anyway. It was a different world to back home. Everything was so foreign that she wanted to cling on to the things she knew as much as possible and Elliot certainly counted as something familiar, even with the way things had played out over the last couple of years.

They left their luggage in the room and quickly used the bathroom before making their way out to find the hotel that Tammy and her parents were staying at. It was a slight shock when she first sat down on the toilet and it suddenly automatically started making a strange noise, which sounded like running water. She quickly realised it was some kind of "etiquette" feature of the toilet, designed to hide the sound of the toilet being used. It was amusing, but she decided it was actually quite a positive feature as it suddenly occurred to her that yes, the thought of Elliot out there in the room hearing her in the bathroom was slightly embarrassing.

She reappeared a minute later, still slightly bemused at the strange toilet. There had been a huge panel on the wall too, but she hadn't dared go near that. One thing at a time, she thought.

Once they were ready they left the hotel, making their way out onto the street with the intent of hailing a cab. It was boiling hot outside and the sun shone down relentlessly. There was a great deal of traffic, street cars and hundreds of pedestrians, all milling around. The street was lined with tall modern looking buildings and it looked quite attractive with all the trees that had been planted along it. The shop signs in Japanese were fascinating to Olivia. She loved the look of the language. Even Elliot took a few seconds to take in the view before he spotted a waiting taxi cab and pulled her over towards it. Just as he was about to open the door, it opened by itself, taking both of them by surprise. They climbed in nervously wondering if anything else would suddenly move. It seemed the taxi driver had more experience with foreign travellers than the guys at the train station back at the airport had and he had no trouble understanding where they wanted to go. They sat back, staring out of the window as the driver took them to their destination. Both were nervous, for talking to Tammy would prove essential in finding Lizzie and both were more than aware that sometimes the truth was not necessarily something you wanted to hear.


	6. Chapter 5

5

Elliot led the way into the restaurant-bar that Tammy had explained was where she had last seen Lizzie. It was a place they had decided to visit upon the positive recommendation in their travel guide for the owner was an "interesting character who spoke a little English". While in there the two girls had apparently met this guy who called himself Moto and he had seemed decent enough. They had chatted all night over drinks, although not to excess according to Tammy. Later on he had invited Lizzie to go to another local bar not too far away which he said served a local speciality that she just shouldn't miss. Tammy had decided to go back to the hotel as she wanted to take the opportunity to call her boyfriend in privacy and so Lizzie had gone alone.

At this point Tammy had broken down in tears, knowing full well how stupid it sounded when explaining to Lizzie's father what they had done. She sobbed that she knew she should never have left Lizzie alone with this guy, but that neither of them had sensed any bad vibes and even the bar owner seemed friendly with him, so they had assumed he was OK. Elliot had almost pointed out that restaurant or bar owners generally tend to be friendly to all their paying customers, but Olivia's hand on his arm had held him back from making a scathing comment. Instead Elliot had sighed heavily, inwardly berating himself. How many times had he drilled into his children how important it was to keep safe when out and about? Never going off alone with a stranger was certainly at the top of his list of things not to do. Yet despite this Lizzie had gone with this strange man without a care in the world. It was like a finger up to everything he had taught her and he was mortified. It felt like a failure on his behalf. Obviously he should have been much more insistent and rammed it home more thoroughly, he thought!

"She's young, El," Liv had said, knowing exactly what was going through his mind. He had smiled, grateful for her calm support, but at the end of the day he would still blame himself for whatever had happened to Lizzie, he knew that.

As they stepped into the bar, he could see why his daughter and her friend had enjoyed it here. It was a fairly small place with low tables scattered around, the kind of place where you removed your shoes then stepped up on to the Tatami mat floor and sat at the tables on little cushions provided. The tables were close to each other so it seemed like it would be easy to strike up a conversation with people around. There was also a counter running along the open kitchen area with numerous bottles of some kind of Japanese liquor lined up along it. In this area you didn't need to remove your shoes and it was regular stool seating.

They headed over to this counter and a man, assumedly the owner of the place, beckoned them to sit with a friendly grin. They accepted, deciding it would be better to chat calmly sitting down rather than draw extra unnecessary attention. However, before they could protest another staff member immediately appeared and handed them two steaming wet cloths and a couple of small glasses of water.

"Drink?" the owner asked. He sounded curt, but it was obviously a language issue, not deliberate.

Elliot hesitated, but then felt guilty at all the trouble he had already put this place to when he had no intention of staying very long. He decided one small drink wouldn't hurt so he asked for a beer for both him and Olivia.

Once they had received their drinks, he attempted to bring up the subject of Lizzie, hoping that this guy's English was up to the job.

"Do you remember a girl from four days ago?" Elliot asked, showing the man a picture of her which he kept in his wallet.

"Ahh, yes, yes," the owner nodded.

"Do you know where she went?" Elliot could feel the nerves gripping his stomach as he asked this vital question, hoping he would get a useful answer.

"No, I'm sorry!"

Elliot's heart sank.

"But _he_ might know!" The owner was now pointing towards a guy a few seats down from them at the bar who they had barely noticed up until now.

The two men spoke in rapid Japanese for a few seconds and then the second guy turned to Elliot and Olivia.

"Hi, I'm Hiroshi Yamamoto," he introduced himself, his accent immediately revealing a good command of English to the extent that they wondered if he had ever lived abroad. Olivia and Elliot quickly introduced themselves before Elliot asked him if he knew anything about his daughter's whereabouts.

"She was talking with Motonari Fujita that night and they left together with the other girl," Hiroshi explained with a very slightly bewildered expression on his face.

"Do you know where they went?" Elliot asked anxiously, hoping this question wouldn't meet with another dead end.

"No, but I can take you to his house."

"That would be great. Can we go now?"

"Well, sure, but why?"

"No one has seen my daughter for four days. She's completely disappeared and this Moto-whatever was the last person seen with her."

"You think he has done something bad to her? Motonari Fujita? No! I can't believe it." Hiroshi seemed genuinely shocked at the mere suggestion.

"Well, in any case I'd like to speak to him," Elliot insisted. It wouldn't be the first time the neighbourhood "harmless guy" turned out to be a sadistic freak, he thought glumly.

"OK. He lives about ten minutes walk away," Hiroshi said agreeably, taking a large swig to finish up the remainder of his beer before standing to leave. Olivia and Elliot followed suit, quickly finishing their own beers, both leaving a small amount in the bottom.

"Does he live alone?" Elliot asked as he noted gratefully that Olivia was sorting out the bill while he questioned this guy.

"Yes. His mother died two years ago and he's not really the marrying type." Great, Elliot thought, reading between the lines. _A nerdy loner who wanted some company in the form of his daughter? _He shuddered at the thought.

"So he's a bit odd?"

"He's different… but he wouldn't hurt anyone. I don't believe that."

"I hope you're right," said Elliot solemnly, following Hiroshi outside with Olivia close behind him. He guessed Hiroshi must be running a tab, given he hadn't paid, although it was also possible he could just be intending to return afterwards and pay then?

…

Elliot and Olivia stared at the run-down looking house. It was a traditional Japanese house, made of wood, with originally what must have been beautiful tiled roof. Now though it looked fairly dilapidated. A couple of the windows on the second floor were boarded up. Elliot couldn't help wondering if this Moto had his daughter stashed up there somewhere.

Hiroshi knocked on the door and several seconds later a skinny short man who Elliot guessed to be in his late twenties or early thirties appeared. He looked extremely startled to have guests knocking at his door but when he saw Elliot and Olivia he visibly panicked and attempted to slam the door. Elliot was quick though and managed to get his foot inside just in time to prevent him.

"Where's Lizzie?" he asked menacingly, his anger now boiling to the surface as he glanced up and down at the guilty-looking man, deciding that this guy definitely had to know something. He couldn't believe this nerdy rake of a man had it in him to kidnap a girl as vibrant as his daughter. The thought of him doing anything to her filled him with rage.

The guy started rambling in Japanese and Elliot stepped forward, took him by the shoulders and shook him hard.

"Lizzie! Where's Lizzie? Where is she you bastard?"

Moto looked petrified. He was shaking and glancing around nervously.

Hiroshi asked him something and he mumbled a reply.

"What's he saying?" asked Elliot frustrated.

"He says he's sorry, that he never touched her, that he'd never hurt her."

"Let me up there!" growled Elliot, completely losing patience now. He pushed Moto out of the way and stormed inside.

"Shoes, El!" Liv warned as he seemed ready to just storm into the house fully clad.

"Like this creep deserves that respect?" Elliot retorted angrily, kicking of his shoes anyway. He remembered giggling with Olivia on the plane over the story in the travel guide about how even thieves would remove their shoes in the doorway to a house they were about to rob, rather than commit the sacrilege act of walking indoors with outdoor footwear on.

He raced towards the stairs, yelling for Lizzie as he went. He heard a faint reply which served to boost his determination to get to her as fast as he possibly could. He ran to where he thought he heard her voice coming from and pulled the door open. She was there, standing in obvious shock, but she looked uninjured!

"Daddy!" she cried, bursting into tears as the relief consumed her.

"Did he touch you?" Elliot asked roughly, terrified to hear the answer.

"No Daddy," she said as she shook her head.

"Oh baby girl," Elliot drew her close and held her tightly to him. Olivia and Hiroshi appeared in the doorway with Moto standing behind them, his shoulders drooped in complete defeat.

"You bastard!" yelled Elliot suddenly, letting go of Lizzie and stepping towards Moto. "You sick bastard! What did you do to her?"

"Elliot!" Olivia warned him at the same time as Lizzie yelled.

"Daddy, stop it!"

Elliot spun around and stopped in his tracks, staring at his daughter and ex-partner's worried faces.

"Let's call the police," said Olivia calmly. "They can deal with him."

"I'll call," said Hiroshi suddenly. "I can't believe it. I really can't." The stupefied look on his face said it all. Moto made no attempt to run. He just kept his face buried in his hands, too ashamed to look anyone in the eye as Hiroshi started dialling his phone.

Elliot stepped back towards his daughter and once again took her in his arms.

"I can't believe you found me, Daddy," she said. "And you too," she continued looking at Olivia. "Thank you for coming," she mouthed.

"Thank God you're safe," muttered Elliot, stroking her hair. He couldn't believe they had found her so easily. Why the hell hadn't the local police done anything? Lizzie's disappearance had been reported three days ago and she was being held just ten minutes walk away from a bar by a man she had been seen with all evening, yet no one had come to this house to check? It was unbelievable. It had just been down to luck that nothing worse had happened to her, nothing more.


	7. Chapter 6

6

"Are you sure you girls are going to be OK?" he asked, grinning at the mock exasperation on their faces at the implication that they wouldn't be. He knew full well that they were dying to hit the shops without him trailing behind them and they had jumped at the chance to go off alone.

"Just go, Dad!" "Liv and I have shopping to do."

"Fine," he said, once again hit by how thankful he was for how things had turned out. He couldn't bear to think of how things could have gone so differently.

"Well I'll see you both later then." Even though he was glad they were going to go off and have a fun day together, he couldn't help feeling a little bit jealous that he wasn't really wanted. He knew he was just being silly though. Shopping wasn't exactly his favourite activity. Although that said, he wasn't all that convinced that what Hiroshi had in store for him would be much better.

"Bye," they chorused in unison, turning away and walking off arm in arm. Elliot watched them go and a few steps later he was rewarded, as Olivia briefly turned to look back sympathetically and wave at him. He waved back, ignoring the slight warm feeling in his stomach, putting it down to the gratefulness he felt towards her for coming out all this way with him and helping him find Lizzie.

It was unfortunate that the airline had been unable to find them seats on a plane for another three days, but he supposed seeing a little bit more of Japan while they waited would be interesting. He doubted he would be returning any time soon. Hiroshi had offered to take them all to a hot spring today. Muttering something about the time of the month Lizzie and Olivia had decided they much preferred the chance for some shopping and so it ended up being arranged that Elliot would go with Hiroshi to check out this hot spring and then they'd all meet later for dinner.

Elliot liked Hiroshi. He was genuinely friendly and it was nice how willing he was to go out of his way to help them feel welcome in his country. It seemed he had appointed himself as their personal tour guide and it made Elliot feel that thanks to him they were getting the chance to experience a bit more of the real Japan rather than just the usual tourist traps. As for the food, well Elliot knew there was no way they would have managed to find the places that Hiroshi was taking them to without him, let alone be able to read the menu and order. They would have been confined to Western style places with English menus or to the kinds of restaurants that had pictures in the menus or plastic food models in the windows.

Hiroshi arrived at the hotel exactly on time and Elliot clambered into the passenger seat of his silver Honda civic hybrid.

"This is my daughter," he said as soon as Elliot had buckled his belt. Elliot turned around and saw a child with long pigtails and a huge smile just like her father's. Hiroshi said something to his daughter in Japanese then the child introduced herself.

"I'm Minami," she said naturally. "I'm eight."

"Nice to meet you Minami, I'm Elliot," he replied.

"She misses speaking English and asked to come," said Hiroshi. "So I let her have a day off summer school. She knows it's just for one day though, don't you, Minami! She will study tonight. I will make her." Elliot saw the groan on Minami's face, but it was good-natured.

"Today's just revision," she said cheerfully. "No problem."

"So it's your first time at a hot spring?" Hiroshi asked.

"Yeah, I must admit, I'm not sure what to really expect," replied Elliot.

"I'm taking you about an hour out of the city into the mountains. There's a beautiful _rotemburo_ there."

"A what?" Elliot asked.

"Outside bath," Hiroshi explained. "Outside one is a bit cooler than inside one."

"Oh right." Elliot wondered what on earth this place would be like. Would it be open so that just anyone could see them? He had seen a short excerpt in the travel guide about "Onsen" or hot springs and was already a little nervous after having read that people bathed completely naked. He wondered what would happen with Hiroshi's daughter. He wasn't sure he was comfortable taking his clothes off in front of an eight year old girl.

They arrived around an hour later at the hot spring. It was a huge building and given the number of cars in the car park fairly popular, Elliot thought. As soon as they entered the building they had to remove their shoes and place them in a locker. Then they went to the front desk where they paid to use the baths, handed their locker key over and then received a couple of towels. One was a bath towel, but the other looked hardly much bigger than a large facecloth.

"Come on," said Hiroshi impatiently, leading the way excitedly. Elliot could tell he was looking forward to this and he wasn't sure really why a bath in the middle of a hot and humid summer would be so appealing.

They reached a couple of doorways and headed towards the one with the blue curtains. Minami went towards the one with the red curtains.

"She's going in alone?" Elliot asked amazed.

"Sure, she's been here many times. She's too big for men's one now really...One hour, _ne_!" he called after his daughter as she disappeared into the female baths.

Elliot followed Hiroshi into the huge changing room and was immediately hit by the fact that there were several men in various states of undress. He tried to keep his eyes on Hiroshi who led him to a shelf with large baskets on.

"You can put your clothes in here," Hiroshi instructed him, pointing out one of the empty baskets. "There's a locker if you want to put your wallet in it."

"OK," said Elliot turning round to see a row of small lockers. He turned back and was shocked to see Hiroshi had already stripped off to his waist.

"Come on," his new friend urged him, continuing to remove his clothes.

"I'm sorry," said Elliot awkwardly. "This is all just a bit different to what I'm used to."

"Use this towel if you want," Hiroshi said, handing him the smaller towel. Elliot wondered exactly just what he was supposed to be able to cover up with the tiny thing. Deciding to just go ahead and plunge into the unknown, he started to strip. He was suddenly aware of Hiroshi's eyes on him.

"What?" he asked, feeling more than a little self-conscious.

"Your tattoos," he replied. "Usually no tattoos allowed in hot spring."

"Really? Why not?"

"Looks like mafia."

"Geez," Elliot replied, a little embarrassed.

"Maybe it's OK though. If nobody sees… We can hide your arm with this towel." Hiroshi grabbed the small towel he had handed Elliot earlier and hung it over his arm to hide the huge tattoo. Elliot realised he no longer had anything to cover the parts he had personally been more bothered about covering, although admittedly he was now less concerned about that than he was at the thought of upsetting the locals by giving them the impression the mafia had come for a bath with them.

"Hopefully nobody will look at your leg?" Hiroshi said doubtfully. "Anyway, you're a foreigner," he added, as if that would make everything better somehow.

"Are you sure I should go in?" Elliot asked.

"We're here now," Hiroshi shrugged. "Come on!"

They entered the baths and Elliot immediately saw the row of showers along the wall. Under Hiroshi's guidance he seated himself on the little bath stool and washed his body thoroughly before they wandered over to a large pool of water. Hiroshi slipped in quickly, sinking down to his shoulders, breathing a contented sigh as he did so. Elliot started to follow suit but as he put his foot in, the heat of the water shocked him into immediately removing it again.

"Geez, that's hot!" he exclaimed.

"Maybe 42`C? Not so hot," replied Hiroshi. Elliot noticed he now had his towel folded up and placed on his head, like the other two or three men that were also dotted around the huge pool. Deciding the heat would be better than the exposure, Elliot slipped into the pool, gritting his teeth as the hot water enveloped his body. A few seconds later his body adjusted and he started to feel better. He leaned back against the side of the pool and focused on the sensation of the hot water. It was surprisingly soothing. He hadn't realised how tense his shoulders had been but now the hot water seemed to be taking the tiredness away. The noise in the room of running water and the steamy air also added to the general atmosphere of the place to make it surprisingly relaxing. He started to understand why Hiroshi had been so keen for him to come.

Just as he was starting to feel a bit too hot, Hiroshi suddenly leapt to his feet and beckoned for him to follow. He did so obediently and he was led outside to another pool in the open air, although it was completely fenced off so no one from outside could enter or see in. This pool had a rim of huge rocks and a wooden structure that provided a roof over about half of it. Around the outside was a Japanese style garden, with some bushes, rocks and a few plants. It was extremely attractive. They sank into the pool, which to Elliot's relief was a little cooler than the one indoors and they stayed there for a while, relaxing and talking about Elliot's life in New York and Hiroshi's stay in the US.

Finally they decided it was time to leave, for Hiroshi's daughter would be waiting for them and so they wandered back over to the showers for a second time, before returning to the changing room to get dressed.

They were almost done, when suddenly completely out of nowhere there came a strange rattling and shaking sensation.

"Earthquake!" Hiroshi yelled. "Protect your head!" He sank to the floor, not that the shaking ground was giving them much of a choice. Elliot followed suit. There was no furniture to get under, so they both crouched with their hands over the heads. Elliot couldn't really tell how serious it was. Hiroshi had a worried frown on his face but he didn't seem to be panicking. The floor was shaking violently, the lockers were rattling and a few of the clothes baskets were thrown to the ground, but the quake didn't seem to be doing too much damage really. After a good minute of so, the ground finally stopped shaking and everyone shakily got back up to their feet and started looking around slightly dazed, trying to survey the damage.

They grabbed their things and then stepped out into the foyer where people were milling around in shock. They spotted Minami, who rushed to their side, wide-eyed. The hot spring staff were ushering everyone outside as was usual practice after a significant quake. As they passed through the lobby Elliot realised that it didn't look to him like much structural damage had been done, but that the little store in the lobby was a total mess with a lot of goods having been thrown from the shelves to the floor.

Outside, lots of people were busily trying to use their cell phones, probably to call relatives, Elliot thought. Generally though there was an air of calm, as though people were genuinely used to such things. He guessed it could have been a lot worse. Hiroshi was talking to some guy a few paces away. Minami was watching what was going on silently, slightly subdued. Hiroshi stepped back towards them, his face ashen.

"It's really bad," he said in disbelief.

"What do you mean?" asked Elliot.

"No one can get through directly to anyone in the city. The phone networks are down. That guy over there spoke to a friend who lives up north and they are getting breaking news bulletins on TV. They're saying the epicentre was right under Hiroshima and that it was a huge huge quake. They are guessing it was around at least magnitude 8!"

"What? But it didn't feel anywhere near that bad!" exclaimed Elliot in disbelief. "Surely they're exaggerating?"

"That's because we are over an hour away, in the mountains. They're saying Hiroshima and many surrounding villages have been almost completely devastated."

"Oh my God!" Elliot felt his legs start to buckle as he took in the information. "Liv and Lizzie! No….We've got to go and find them!"

"Elliot, you don't understand how big this is! In any case they won't let people just wander into the city after something like this, even assuming you could."

"What are you suggesting we do then? Just sit here?"

"No. We need to go to the nearest evacuation site and register them as missing. Then you need to contact your embassy I think."

"OK," Elliot replied. At least that sounded like a sensible first step. He would do that and find out just how bad this thing was. Japan was world-class for its earthquake proof buildings and the media were renowned for exaggerating. He had to stay calm and have faith that they would be OK. He refused to panic. They would be all right. He was certain of it.


	8. Chapter 7

7

The local evacuation centre, an elementary school down the hill proved very unhelpful in offering them any further official information. They found they were gleaning more of the truth from the internet. People from within the city who had internet access via their phones were sending messages via twitter and facebook and the truth of the extent of the devastation was quickly coming to light. It was perturbing that the media were considerably quicker to scramble helicopters to film the damage than the Japanese Self Defence Forces were to begin the huge rescue operation, a result of the considerable red tape involved in getting the central government to issue orders to their troops. The first images started appearing on the TV within an hour of the initial tremor, which incidentally had already been followed by three fairly large aftershocks as well as several smaller ones.

Elliot stared in disbelief at the scenes of absolute destruction on the TV. It was unreal. He couldn't take it in. Buildings were reduced to rubble, roads were destroyed and fires were raging in parts of the city. It reminded him of the images of the huge earthquake in Kobe in 1995. Back then it had been tragic to watch, but at the same time there was the feeling that it was something that happened in a foreign country, far away from home and it didn't personally affect a single person he knew in his life. Not like now. It wasn't just his daughter and Olivia either. He realised that every single person he had met and seen since arriving in this city had been affected by this thing and it was possible many of them were even dead: the hotel staff, the restaurant staff, the police who had arrested Moto, the taxi drivers, the station staff, Hiroshi's family and friends. All those people's faces, real or imagined, stuck out in his mind, making this tragedy so much more real and heartbreaking than an event on the news that happened to strangers. It was personal.

Watching the images he understood why Hiroshi had refrained from rushing straight towards the city. The roads looked impassable, especially in the centre, which is where the media were focusing their reports. It was a horrible feeling being so helpless to do anything. The scale of the damage was so wide that he already knew that realistically it could be days, even weeks before he found out what had happened to them. His main hope was that they had survived, would make their way to an evacuation centre and that once registered the information would get to them.

It was always possible they would get access to the internet. Lizzie was an avid facebook user, so he hoped that she might be able to post a message there. He had signed up a couple of years ago at his daughter's insistence, but he barely used it. Now he was glad she had convinced him to create an account. Someone Hiroshi had befriended allowed him to use his phone which had internet access and he planned on keeping an eye on her wall just in case she managed to communicate that way. He wrote a brief message on her wall, explaining that they were caught in a huge quake and that he would update as soon as he had more information. He left it vague as he didn't feel it was fair to unduly worry her friends back home by stating explicitly that she was missing, knowing that if he had written they would assume they were together. People back home were probably glued to their TV screens watching the disaster unfold and worrying about them all. The lack of concrete information left people solely to their imaginations, which could often be worse than the reality.

Elliot looked up as he heard a commotion at the door. Another family had turned up and some of them were slightly injured. Part of the school hall had been cordoned off and turned into a make shift hospital offering first aid to those who had been injured. Even though most of the local buildings were still standing with the modern ones relatively undamaged thanks to stringent earthquake safety standards being in place ever since the huge Kobe quake, there had still been a considerable number of people injured by flying objects as the earthquake had thrown anything unsecured from shelves and cupboards. This particular family, who owned a farm further out in the mountains, had driven as far as they could get before they had come across a tree blocking the road. They had abandoned their car and walked around an hour to reach the evacuation centre. There was a little girl with them aged around five. Minami had already taken her hand and seemed to be comforting her.

Elliot keenly felt the frustration at not really understanding anything that was going on around him. These events were surely bad enough anyway, without having the added strain of not speaking the language. He missed Olivia so much. They had only been here a few days, but she had been by his side since they had left New York and he missed her presence even more now. He didn't even dare to think of Lizzie too deeply. He couldn't help wonder what kind of God would allow him to rescue her only to take her away again so soon. He stopped himself though. He had to keep his faith and trust that there was a reason behind all this. Lizzie and Liv would be OK. He had to believe that or else he knew he might just give up now.

He noticed Hiroshi sinking down heavily on to the ground close by, with his head in his hands. He walked over wondering what he could possibly say to the man whose world had just been turned upside down in the space of a couple of minutes.

"Are you OK?" he asked feebly.

"No," the older man replied weakly.

"I'm sorry Hiroshi," Elliot said, unsure what to say but wanting to show sympathy in some way.

"Do you see that little girl over there with Minami?" he asked. He continued when Elliot nodded, his gaze on the small child.

"Her name is Nonoka. She's five years old. She lived close by that family over there which brought her here with them. Well, she was playing outside when the quake hit. Her house collapsed and her mother was inside. Her father left a few years ago. It was just the two of them. She's now effectively an orphan."

"Are you sure her mother is dead? Couldn't she have survived the collapse?" Watching the little girl, it was too heart-breaking to accept that her mother was dead.

"They lived in an old house," replied Hiroshi. "There's no way. The neighbours tried to look for her, but the house was flattened. There was no sign of life. Besides, this is the countryside. We don't have expensive rescue equipment and I'm sure the emergency rescue teams will prioritise the city. I'd be surprised if they get out here any time soon. It will be weeks."

Elliot was once again hit by the powerlessness he felt in this situation. They were so far away from where Lizzie and Olivia were. He knew he needed to be closer.

"I can't stay here," he said resolutely. "I need to go to a bigger evacuation site, closer to the city. I need to be closer to my daughter and friend."

"I understand," replied Hiroshi. "I just don't know if it will make any difference."

"I can't give up," Elliot whispered. "I have to hope."

Hiroshi nodded. Then he got to his feet and started consulting with a few people.

It turned out there was a group of them, mainly those who had family in the city, who also wanted to get closer. The hope was that a bigger evacuation site would keep them better informed and should their family and friends turn up they would then also be closer to being reunited with them. The thought of being called to identify bodies also occurred to Elliot, but he pushed it to the back of his mind. Besides, it was already getting to the point where he just wanted to know more than anything, whatever the outcome. The limbo was tortuous...and it had only been a couple of hours.

They decided to walk back up to the hot spring and ask to borrow their minibus to take the whole group of them as far as they could get towards the city. One of the guys Hiroshi had been talking to offered to drive them and return the minibus. He wanted to stay local as his elderly parents were here in this evacuation centre, but he was willing to help the others out. Elliot hoped that the roads would be passable and they would be able to get significantly nearer. He felt nervous, knowing that the closer he got the more devastation they would encounter. Even though he wanted to know what had happened to Lizzie and Olivia, he had to admit to himself that he was terrified. Losing either of them would rip a piece from his soul. It was a sobering thought.

An image of Olivia popped up in his head. It was a few years ago now. She was sitting at her desk across from him, a tired expression on her face, but she had smiled at him and her eyes had softened and he had stared at her and she had stared right back holding his gaze for several seconds. He had taken in the moment, enjoying the chance to study and appreciate her face. Then she had blushed slightly and turned away and the moment was over. He had felt a tingling sensation. He hadn't been able to define it, but he had felt warm inside and had wished he could have just held her then and drawn her close to him. It had been back when he and Kathy had been fighting and divorce had been on the cards and the thought of telling her he wanted more had crossed his mind more than once. However, ultimately he had decided he valued her partnership and friendship too much to risk losing it and besides he doubted she could possibly feel the same way about him. His confidence had been knocked. Kathy was the only woman he had ever been with and the thought of opening up to another was scary to say the least. He also felt guilty. He had made a promise before God and he felt he ought to do everything he could to keep it. So he had buried his feelings and tried to force himself not to think of her in that way.

Now as he thought of her he regretted so much. He had missed her terribly after leaving the force, even though he had thought he was doing the right thing. Then as time had gone on it had been harder and harder to contact her. It was ironic that the event that gave him the courage to finally go to her had also led to the event that may have ended her life. The guilt was deep-rooted. This was his fault. He never should have invited her. If he had come alone, Olivia would be safe back in New York and he would never have left Lizzie alone to go to the hot spring. Of course the earthquake would still have happened, but maybe Lizzie would have joined him on the trip to the hot spring or maybe they would have decided to head back to Osaka to wait for their flight?

He stared out of the window, catching glimpses of buildings which had been damaged by the earthquake. Some were in ruins, some were barely touched. The road was rocky in places, with several cracks in places. There were fallen trees and debris from landslides making the journey hazardous in places. So far they had always been able to pass. On one occasion it had been necessary to get out of the minibus and move some rocks out of the way, but it hadn't been too much trouble. They managed to drive for fifty minutes before the scenery started to turn more urban and they began to see many more damaged buildings. It wasn't long before they reached a point where the road was no longer passable, so they decided to proceed on foot. They thanked the guy who had driven them this far and they set off, using a mobile phone GPS map service to help guide them in the right direction of a larger evacuation centre. They guessed they had around 12km to walk to the one they had in mind.

Elliot glanced around at the group. Minami at eight seemed energetic enough to make the trip, but he wondered about little Nonoka. Hiroshi had decided to bring her with them, in the hope that they would be able to locate some of her more distant relatives. She had spoken of an aunt who lived in the city, so he hoped they could track her down at some point. In any case Nonoka had latched on to Minami and given the tragedy Nonoka had suffered, Hiroshi didn't want to cause further distress. Nonoka was fully aware of what had happened to her mother and she had clung to Minami. Minami too had suffered the loss of her own mother, who had tragically died when she too was around the age of five. Elliot hadn't liked to pry too deeply but he had gleaned that Hiroshi's wife had died after a two year battle with cancer leaving him alone to raise his little daughter. Having the tragedy of losing their mother in common, the two girls had a natural rapport and affection for one another and Minami was determined to help her new little friend get through.

Elliot thought of his own children and how relatively sheltered their lives had been up until now. He would be ever grateful for that. He had done a dangerous job and if he had been killed on the job his own children would have lost their father. It had always been at the back of his mind, but he had also always thought that as long as they had their mother, that was what really mattered. Really though, the loss of any parent would have to be devastating. He wondered at how he could have so selfishly stuck at the job he did for so many years, risking not only his own life but the future of his children.

As they walked silently, Elliot wished he could stop the thoughts that were bombarding and overwhelming him. It was like his mind was in overdrive. He was combing through his life, thinking of all the regrets he had, wishing he could have done so many things differently. The one thing about this earthquake which was hitting him now was that it was giving him so much perspective on what was really important. Life was so fragile. As he thought again of Olivia, there were things he longed he'd had the courage to say to her. He hoped he would get the chance again.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N It might be inevitable that certain parallels may be drawn to recent real-life events. Although I do discuss some real issues, I want to just reiterate that this story is essentially a work of fiction and is not a description of real events. I have also never personally been involved in an evacuation and although I have used online photos and articles to help me write this, I have used a certain amount of literary license in order to tell this story... My heart goes out to all earthquake victims, past, present and future**.

8

The sheer number of people crammed into the hall was astounding. Mats were laid across the hall and each person was assigned one futon. There was hardly any space between each bed. The suffocating heat was worsened by the sheer volume of warm bodies crowded into the huge gym. So many people had been rendered homeless by the disaster and many others were too scared to return to their own homes as the aftershocks continued to rock the city frequently. Huge TVs had been set up on the ground at various points around the room and during the day they were on constantly. Most people remained transfixed on the horrific images, the shock at the enormity of the incident never diminishing no matter how many times the same images were recycled by the news channels. The TV and the internet were people's main source of information. The authorities had started publishing lists of people who had been found alive and dead along with photos of the injured, young and very old who had not yet been identified. As soon as the first lists had started to appear Elliot had desperately scoured them for their names, but it was all in Japanese. Hiroshi had taken over the job and had shaken his head sadly. Olivia and Lizzie were still apparently missing.

Elliot had managed to contact the American embassy the evening before and had reported that he was alive and safe and that Olivia and Lizzie were missing, but they hadn't been able to give him any information on the rescue operation in the heart of the city. The foreign news media had been blocked from entering the worst hit areas, with a no fly zone now in effect and although offers of international aid were pouring in from around the world, it appeared the government was being slow to take them up. Red tape was slowing down the rescue attempts and Elliot was growing more and more frustrated by the hour. He read online how international earthquake search and rescue teams had been scrambled almost immediately as soon as the news of the quake had hit the headlines, but not only had some teams been unable to even get through immigration, but others who had were forbidden from entering the really worst hit areas and asked to help in the outlying areas which were less badly hit and where the rescue mission was already well underway. Nobody could understand it.

His desperation was starting to show. He paced angrily up and down outside the gym. The majority of people seemed to be quickly accepting of their new living conditions, meekly lining up to receive food and bottled water, watching TV and generally just getting on with their day as best they could under the circumstances. There were tears, but people wept quietly or took themselves away out of sight. There was no visible anger, no demand for answers. People politely accepted whatever information they were given and didn't act like they believed they were owed anything more. Of course he knew that the truth was that these people were in shock and truly devastated for their losses and the way that their homes and livelihoods in some cases had been completely destroyed, but the over-riding sense of calm was something that surprised him. There was an air of inevitability. Earthquakes were a part of life for this culture. Its was as though people were aware that ranting and raving at the authorities wouldn't bring their loved ones back, or rebuild their homes any quicker or give them their lives back.

Elliot however was not in such an accepting frame of mind. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. What if they had been injured and were lying, waiting for someone to help them. They couldn't speak Japanese. Would they know how to communicate with any would-be rescuer? What if they were perfectly safe and had already been taken to an evacuation centre? Were they wandering around terrified that he was dead? The thought of his daughter feeling that pain, tore him up inside. The fact she was at least with Olivia was at least slightly soothing. Olivia. What was going through her mind right now? Was she worried about him? She probably would be he had to admit. He knew she cared about him, or else why would she have agreed to come with him? Once again he regretted with all his heart asking her to join him on this ill-fated trip. Why had he been so selfish? Why hadn't he just come alone?

The tears pricking at his eyes were a foreign sensation and it wasn't one he enjoyed. He hadn't cried since forever. Certainly he had at the birth of his children, not that he would ever let anyone know that. Then there had been that day when he had told her maybe they shouldn't be partners any more. He hadn't meant it. He had been upset, but she had taken his words to heart and requested a new one anyway. He had left work that night, driven part of the way and then had to pull over as his emotions had overwhelmed him. He had convinced himself it was the case upsetting him, not her. Who was he kidding? He knew exactly how he felt. He just never could admit it. He had gone to a bar after that and drunk himself into a near stupor before heading home. He had almost called her then, but instead had flung his phone across the room in frustration, destroying it in the process. By the time he had replaced it a couple of days later, he had decided calling her was definitely not for the best and he'd tried to get on with his life and forget. Although forget wasn't really the right term. Maybe bury would be more accurate, for his feelings towards her never ever went away. He just grew good at ignoring them.

He wondered why it took a disaster like this for him to finally take stock of his feelings and accept them. It suddenly hit him hard that losing her was just too much to bear. He had to find her. Fuck the authorities and their pussyfooting around the rules. He was going to look for her himself. He knew roughly where they had been planning to shop. He would borrow a phone, plug in the GPS coordinates and go there on foot. There were stories of earthquake victims surviving for days and days and if they were alive, if she was alive, then he had to do everything he could to find them, or he would never forgive himself. Fuck sitting here like a good little citizen waiting for someone else to 'maybe' find her. This disaster was too big. There weren't enough rescuers to get to everyone in time and there was no way he was allowing his daughter and the woman he loved… he took a deep breath as he considered the significance of the word… yes the woman he loved… to be sentenced to a possible unnecessary death just because of a few silly rules about staying put in these make-shift camps. No, he was leaving.

It was typical that having made this decision and ready to act on it, Hiroshi should suddenly appear. Elliot sighed, expecting to be met with considerable resistance. He was more than surprised when Hiroshi heard his plans and agreed with him, offering to join him in his search. Elliot couldn't put into words how he felt hearing this. A man he barely knew was offering his unquestioning support and it was staggeringly emotional. He could barely answer the man, but he managed to mumble a heart-felt thank you, hoping that Hiroshi really understood just how grateful he was.

"Minami will stay and look after Nonoka," Hiroshi said simply.

Elliot suddenly felt extraordinarily guilty. This man had an eight year old daughter to think of. He shouldn't be putting himself in so much danger. He was aware that with all the aftershocks it wasn't exactly going to be safe going where he was planning on heading, right into the centre of the worst hit area.

"Hiroshi, you don't have to do this," he said seriously. "You have a child."

"I do," he replied equally seriously. "I just can't sit there doing nothing. If there is any way I can help then I want to do it. Besides I want to see with my own eyes what is really happening. The news is unreliable and the authorities even less so. They are saying that foreign search and rescue teams are being kept away because they are too embarrassed to show the world that they are not on top of this, when they pride themselves on being the best equipped country to cope with such disasters. There is already some talk of shoddy building practices being allowed to continue despite the changes made after the Great Hanshin Earthquake. Houses they thought would be safe have apparently fallen into mounds of rubble. The Self Defence Forces have been held back by bureaucracy and they just aren't getting enough help fast enough to the people who need it. The whole situation is a terrible disaster and human incompetence is making it worse than it need be. I don't know how much of this is true and how much is just fear-mongering and an excuse to criticise the government, but I do know that I can't just sit here and do nothing while my people are suffering. If we can find your daughter and friend and at the same time alert people to what's really going on then it will be worth it and my daughter will be proud. Everything I do is for her and for her future."

Elliot looked at Hiroshi surprised, but immensely moved by his words. It was the most emotional and passionate he had seen him yet and he was grateful that he had opened up to him like this. The man's earnestness was infectious. A few others had obviously decided to join them. Elliot hoped it would prove the right decision, although he knew that attempting to find his daughter and Olivia would never be something he regretted. He just hoped that these men who offered to help him wouldn't regret it either. He gave Hiroshi a determined smile as he agreed to accept his help. The five men then returned to the main hall to gather supplies. They collected some water, food and some first aid kits. Once they were ready they slipped out of the back entrance, planning to sneak over the fence and avoid the military truck which was parked out the front. No one expected anyone to want to leave the evacuation centre, so the back was unguarded. The men jumped over the fence easily and set off on the long walk towards the city centre.


	10. Chapter 9

9

According to the GPS navigation software they were using, it was around a 12km walk to Parco, the huge department store where Elliot had known for sure they were heading. However, that was assuming a direct walk and their route was anything but. There was no guarantee they had only been to that one store, but he felt it was a good place to start. As they neared the centre of the city though, it became more and more difficult to proceed. There was debris everywhere. Cars had been abandoned and thrown around. Trees lay fallen. Some buildings lay in ruins and others looked like they could topple at any moment. Several times they had to turn back and try and find another route round. They saw many local people who had formed small groups and were attempting to rescue people by moving rubble with their bare hands. Any official rescuers they ran into immediately tried to direct them to the nearest evacuation site. They would start off in the direction they were pointed and swing back down another road as soon as they were out of sight.

It was slow going. The destruction around them was getting to all of them. They lost count of the number of people they saw just sitting forlornly outside a collapsed building desperately waiting for help, clinging on to the hope that their loved ones might have survived the collapse when to most people it was clear that the likelihood was extremely low. It was harrowing and terrifying. There was a strange silence as traffic was at a standstill and people worked in silence or spoke in low tones, in tune with the sombre mood.

Their largest detour was the result of a partly collapsed bridge over the river. They had to walk around 2km up river to find another bridge, which being newer had survived the quake better. It didn't look the safest of crossings, but it came down to either risking it or turning back and Elliot was not turning back now. He had come too far. It actually felt good to be doing something active to try to find them. He had never been one for sitting around waiting.

When they finally reached Parco they found to their dismay that like most of the buildings around there had been significant damage with parts of the building completely collapsed. The fear gripped his stomach as he took in the scene. For a few seconds his mind screamed at him that there was no way anyone could have survived in there and a wave of despair hit him so hard that he almost wanted to give up then and there. He found himself hoping that it had been quick and happened before they had understood what was even happening. He prayed they hadn't been trapped and the whole process drawn out. The thought of them suffering the fear of the inevitable was intolerable.

As they wandered towards the north side of the building they immediately noticed the sudden flurry of activity.

"What's going on?" Elliot wondered aloud.

Hiroshi led them over to where rescuers were assembled and quickly found out what was happening.

"They're bringing out some survivors," he explained. "They finally got to them after hours of digging."

Even though Elliot knew the chances had to be pretty remote, he couldn't help but hope that Olivia and Lizzie might be amongst them. Stranger things had happened. Maybe fate had pulled him here to be there for when they surfaced? A crowd of civilians had gathered, no doubt many of them hoping for a similar miracle for their own loved ones. Elliot apprehensively watched the first of the survivors being pulled from the rubble.

There were eight in total. As each black head appeared Elliot felt his anxiety grow. When the seventh person appeared his heart almost stopped. This person's hair colour was identical to Olivia's. Could it really be her? Had they found them? He stepped closer nervously, only just refraining from calling her name. As her body fully appeared, Elliot managed to get close enough to see her face. Immediately his hopes were dashed. It wasn't her. It was someone else. He stepped back disappointed as the last person, once again with black hair, appeared. They were still missing.

"Don't give up," said Hiroshi solemnly.

Elliot didn't reply.

…

They started to help the local volunteers who were trying to dig people out who weren't quite as deeply buried, leaving the rescuers to try and help those who were deeper under the collapsed buildings. It was boiling hot. Elliot wondered how long anyone could realistically last without water. Every hour that passed, the chance of finding survivors was diminishing and it felt like an impossible race against time.

When darkness began to envelop the city as the sun sank down below the horizon, the local group leaders told them they should get to an evacuation site for the night, to eat and rest. It was too dangerous to search at night they warned. Exhausted and feeling defeated Elliot, Hiroshi and the others realised that they had little choice but to do as was suggested. They would be able to renew their search at first light. They reluctantly trudged after the other civilian rescuers who led them to an evacuation site around 1.5km away which had been set up in a community hall.

The scene was similar to the place they had come from that morning. It was overcrowded and stiflingly hot. The officials were struggling to cope with the sheer numbers of people who had no where else to go. Food and water were being rationed and conditions were miserable. Hiroshi told Elliot they were supposed to write their names on the list by themselves and Elliot was surprised to see that nobody seemed to be making sure that exact records were being taken. It suddenly occurred to him that it was entirely possible that Olivia and Lizzie could have been ushered to a place like this but not signed the list if no one had explained they were even supposed to. In reality he strongly suspected that one of the first concerns Olivia would have had if she had been brought to an evacuation site would have been getting word out that they were safe. It was still a possibility that they were safe and there had just been a breakdown in communication. Things didn't seem particularly organised.

"I wonder if it's worth checking out some of the other local evacuation sites!" he suggested to Hiroshi. "What if they are safe but they just haven't been able to contact us?"

"It's possible," agreed Hiroshi, he too surprised at the obvious lack of organisation. "There is a lack of communication between the different evacuation sites. There are no phone networks working here still and public records are not computerised generally. They are used to recording everything by hand and it has resulted in slow communication.

"How many evacuation sites are there around here?" Elliot enquired.

Hiroshi said he would go and ask and he disappeared over to where a couple of city hall employees were trying to answer people's questions.

Hiroshi returned to tell Elliot that they weren't sure as several unofficial sites had also sprung up, but that there were eight official evacuation sites in the area.

Elliot sighed, once again the scale of the disaster hitting him.

"I have to go," he said. "It hadn't occurred to me that they could be safe but just hadn't been able to get word out. However slim the chance is, I have to try."

"OK," said Hiroshi. "I'll come with you. It might take a while."

"Are you sure? It's been a long day…"

"I really don't think I could sleep anyway," Hiroshi replied softly. Elliot understood. After everything they had seen today he doubted he could either. He nodded grimly and the two men once again slipped out onto the devastated streets.

…

By the time they reached the sixth place, Elliot felt the hope he had been reinvigorated with was now fast fading and once again being replaced with despair and frustration. It felt hopeless. Both carried on regardless, determined to follow through with their plan. Hiroshi was trying to take their minds off things with some light conversation and had cautiously broached the subject of Elliot and Olivia's relationship.

"We're friends," Elliot said, trying carefully not to let any emotion show in his voice.

"But you want more?" Hiroshi asked thoughtfully.

"I… I don't know," Elliot replied. It seemed wrong somehow to be telling Hiroshi how he felt when he hadn't even got the courage to tell her.

"You love her, don't you?" Hiroshi said intuitively. "I can see it in your eyes, in the way you speak of her, in the way you are with her."

"You can?" Elliot said a little dazed. He hadn't intended to wear his feelings on his sleeve, but if Hiroshi could tell, then it was likely she could too. He suddenly felt disheartened. If she could tell how he felt, yet had never mentioned it to him or shown him how she felt, then maybe she didn't feel the same way as he did? Maybe she was happy with just being friends? His gaze fell to the ground as he took in the possibility that telling her how he felt might actually ruin things if she didn't reciprocate his feelings.

"You should tell her," suggested Hiroshi just at the very moment that Elliot decided that was the last thing he should do.

"Maybe," he said, hoping that Hiroshi would drop the subject if he kept his answer vague. The thought of telling her thoroughly terrified him. He didn't think he could cope with the rejection. It confused him too. What if he was just mistaking platonic love for romantic love? What if over all the years the boundaries had just gotten too blurred? What if he admitted his feelings and she did feel the same way but then later he realised he had been wrong? There was no way he could hurt her like that. She deserved better than that. There was no way he could risk doing that to her.

He followed Hiroshi as they entered yet another school gym. He had no expectations. He couldn't keep getting his hopes up only to have them dashed again. A strange numbness had settled over him. Right now he wondered if anything could cause him to react. He couldn't imagine it. He was exhausted, physically and mentally and he was miserable. He wondered how much of it was the fact that they were still missing and how much of it was related to his decision not to tell her how he felt. There was a depressing finality to the thought of them never being together like that which was tearing him up inside.

He didn't even see the two women coming towards them, tears streaming down the younger one's face as they stepped towards him. He vaguely took in their outlines, their western looking clothing, their hair colour, their height and their builds. He noted the scrapes and bruises on their arms and legs. He noted the way the older one limped ever so slightly as she walked. He raised his gaze to her face, taking in the beautiful tone of her olive skin, the genuine attractiveness of her facial features, seeing the expression of recognition on her face and then his gaze met her dark brown eyes and he finally properly recognised her. He immediately turned his gaze to the younger woman, his daughter. He reached for her immediately and she fell into his arms, clinging to him tightly as she sobbed with relief.

As he held his daughter Olivia stepped back to give them space and Elliot felt a stab of pain and sadness deep in his gut. He wanted nothing more than to include her in the embrace, but she had moved out of reach, further convincing him that she didn't want the same as he did. He tightened his grip on his daughter, so thankful she was safe and that he had found her, but devastated that despite everything he was still unable to tell and show the woman he loved how he felt.


	11. Chapter 10

10

Olivia was relieved to finally arrive at the evacuation centre where Elliot, Hiroshi and the others had been camped out. It wasn't a long walk, but it was distressing to see all the damage. She was also exhausted from not having been able to sleep very well in the crowded hall she had been directed to after she had managed to escape the partially collapsed building she and Lizzie had been in when the quake had occurred. Elliot walked close by his daughter and Olivia walked a couple of paces behind them. Every so often Elliot would turn around and shoot a worried look at her, but she would just smile at him indicating that she was fine and he was just being silly.

She had been worried sick about Elliot after the earthquake had happened, fearing the worst and terrified that she would be going back home alone with Lizzie. The thought of losing him had really rammed home just how much she wanted him in her life, how much she cared for him. The fact that he was now separated from Kathy gave her permission to tentatively dare to think about the possibility of him and her becoming something more. They no longer worked together. They were both single. There was no longer anything tangible holding them back. She knew she loved him. She couldn't get him out of her head. When he had just appeared like that in the evacuation shelter she had hardly been able to believe her eyes. She had been desperate to touch him, feel that he was real. Then he had run straight to Lizzie.

That was understandable though. Lizzie was his daughter after all. She had still hoped he might appear slightly more pleased to see her too. She wondered if maybe it could be that he was embarrassed to show his feelings in front of his daughter. She could understand that. She needed to get him alone, but given their current accommodations the chances of that probably weren't too high. Maybe he didn't feel the same way though? She didn't want to do anything to risk their friendship. The other thing that nagged at her was what if he ran again? He had already left her once, he could do it again. She didn't think she could cope with that rejection.

She felt herself getting emotional. Seeing Elliot there, unable to touch him, was too much. She could feel the tears building. She needed to be on her own. She guessed it was also a lot to do with the traumatic experience she had just been through, followed by the relief at seeing him again. She definitely didn't want to be seen breaking down, mainly because his obvious question would be what's wrong and she could hardly say, "well actually it's because I'm madly in love with you and it hurts so much that you don't feel the same way". She figured that would be a sure way to put an end to their only recently revitalised friendship.

Once inside the school gym, Olivia searched quickly for the sign for the toilets. She had learned to recognise the Kanji characters and could now not only work out where the toilets were but also distinguish the male from the female ones, although she had to admit the colour coding usually helped somewhat with that.

"Just popping to the restroom," she muttered to Elliot and she quickly headed in that direction, not even glancing behind her to see his reaction.

Not in the mood for public scrutiny, she locked herself into the disabled toilet and once out of sight, finally allowed the tears to fall unchecked. She turned away so she wouldn't have to see herself in the mirror and leant with her back against the wall, hugging her arms to her in a lonely embrace. She had no idea what she was going to do. Telling him just seemed like it would be a huge mistake, but she couldn't ignore how she felt. Being around him was just too painful. Maybe it would have been better if things had just stayed how they were. Yes, his leaving had hurt, but she had just about gotten over it and accepted she needed to move on with her life. Now she was back to square one again, but worse.

The misery enveloped her. The faces she had seen of the injured and killed intermingled in her thoughts with his face. Her imagination had continuously thrown out images of him lying hurt or worse, buried under rubble and they lingered in her head. She remembered when the earthquake had first struck. People had started screaming. The noise produced by the building shaking everything inside had been almost deafening. She had been thrown to the ground. She had looked around for Lizzie but hadn't immediately been able to spot her. When the ground had stopped moving she had soon realised she had escaped with no serious injuries and so she had started looking around for Lizzie. Luckily she too had escaped with only scratches and bruises and so the pair had begun helping others, some of whom were less fortunate. A clothing rack had fallen on one poor lady, almost decapitating her. Olivia had quickly thrown a coat from the rail over the body, knowing that wasn't an image that Lizzie needed in her head. It wasn't exactly one she wanted, although sadly she had seen suchlike before – and worse. It was yet another image to compartmentalise and store away hoping it wouldn't haunt her too deeply during her future nightmares.

Once they had managed to get out of the building and into the street, she had truly realised the extent of the devastation. The two buildings either side of the one they had been in were completely collapsed. The fact that they had survived had suddenly hit her then. It had been pure luck, nothing else. She had watched Lizzie's face contort as she too took in the horror around them and she had placed her arm around her, encouraging her to stay strong, telling her that her Dad was likely in less danger as he was over an hour away. Of course she hadn't mentioned the fact that really she had been absolutely terrified and felt like her whole world was going to implode. She had to at least pretend to be strong, to keep up the façade she had maintained all her working life. Her feelings weren't important. What mattered was keeping Lizzie calm until they found out one way, or another, what had happened to her Father.

Olivia realised that at some point while lost deep in her thoughts, her tears had ceased. She wondered how long she had been in the bathroom. Elliot would be wondering where she had got to. She stepped over to the sink and splashed some water on her face. As she looked in the mirror she recoiled. She looked a mess. Her hair needed washing, her skin was sallow with huge shadows under her eyes and she felt like she looked a good ten years older than she normally did. Was it any wonder Elliot wasn't interested in her like that? She wouldn't be. She sighed. She knew it wasn't healthy to be so hard on herself, but old habits die hard.

She unlocked the door and stepped out and was immediately embarrassed to see that Elliot was standing there waiting for her. Lizzie must be in the hall somewhere.

"You OK?" he asked gently, the concern apparent in his eyes. Her stomach lurched and she felt her eyes filling with fresh tears. Not trusting herself to speak, she only nodded.

"Liv..." he looked straight at her and she knew he was blaming himself for everything, since it was he who had begged her to come here with him.

"I'm fine, El. Really," she said trying to sound stronger than she felt. It was all too overwhelming: the earthquake, the aftermath, not knowing if he was alive or dead for so many hours. He was staring straight at her. For a moment she imagined he was trying to tell her something.

"Come here," he said finally, stepping towards her and reaching out for her with his arms. He took hold of her, gently pulling her towards him and then he held her tightly. She could feel his relief and his concern. She leaned in to his hug slightly, unable to ignore just how good it felt to be in his arms. She realised she felt shaky. Then she couldn't prevent the tears from rolling down her cheeks. She tried to blink them away, forced herself to try and think of something other than the fact that she was in his arms right now and that all she wanted was to stay there. She tried to pull away, embarrassed to be crying in front of him, but he wouldn't loosen his hold, so she remained there.

"Liv?" he whispered close to her ear. He had obviously noticed she was crying and she hated that she was probably making him extremely uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "It's just all hitting me." It wasn't a total lie.

"It's OK," he soothed. You're OK. Don't worry about anything. I'm here."

"I thought you…." she started but she couldn't finish.

"I know I know. Me too, I've never been so terrified in my life…"

He sounded sincere but she assumed he was talking about his daughter. She closed her eyes briefly, resting her head against his shoulder so she could look away and he wouldn't see the pain in her expression.

"Liv?" he questioned her. "What's wrong? There's something else, isn't there?"

"I'm just tired, El," she said. "It's been a rough couple of days."

Elliot looked at her sharply. He almost looked disappointed. She couldn't really read him. Was this really just friendship? She could count their hugs over their long partnership on one hand and this was already way longer than any previous ones, not to mention he was clutching her so tightly that she wondered if he would ever let her go. It was confusing. If it had been anyone else, she would have read more into it, but this was Elliot. Anyway they had just survived a huge natural disaster. These weren't normal circumstances.

Just as she had decided that even this hug could be explained away he suddenly and spontaneously leaned in and kissed her tenderly on her head. She felt her heart rate quickening and she felt the stirring as her body reacted to his touch. She suddenly felt really self-conscious and awkward, even embarrassed at how strongly her body was reacting and she once again tried to pull away, but once again he insistently held her. She wasn't willing to go as far as ripping herself away from him, even though she knew she could should she really want to end the hug. She decided he had been through a lot too and probably needed it just as much as she did.

He shifted his weight a little and she felt his left hand going to her waist. She was frozen in position. It felt like this was leading somewhere. Was he going to kiss her? He started gently stroking her hair. She felt her nervousness growing. She willed him to just lean in and press his lips to hers. She felt a tingle in her stomach at the thought.

Then he pulled away.

"Lizzie!" he said cheerfully, immediately bringing Olivia back to reality. She raised her hand to her eyes and wiped them, surprised at the dampness. She hadn't realised she had shed that many tears. He was trying to comfort her. He was probably in shock that his strong and tough ex-partner had just broken down in front of him. That no doubt explained the hug and the tenderness. He wasn't going to kiss her. He was just trying to soothe her, to stop her tears. He was probably relieved beyond belief when his daughter appeared, giving him the excuse to pull away.

"I need some air," she said. "I'm going outside for a minute."

"We'll come with you," Elliot replied immediately.

"No, please don't. I need to be alone, just for a few minutes. I'll come back in and find you in a while."

Lizzie's presence was distracting him. Olivia knew that. She saw the look on his face which betrayed just how unsure he was at leaving her alone after she had just been in tears in his arms.

"Elliot, please," she insisted. "I need some time alone. I'll talk to you later."

"OK," he nodded reluctantly. "Don't be long out there, okay?"

"OK," she replied and she slipped away, walking quickly to the door. She knew Elliot's eyes were boring into her back as she left but she didn't turn around. She stepped outside into the hot humid air and looked around for somewhere she could go where no one else would be around. She wandered around the side of the building and found a side entrance, where she sat down on the step and buried her face in her knees, taking deep breaths. What was wrong with her? She felt like she was falling apart. She needed to get a grip. This wasn't her. She was strong. She was Olivia Benson, a detective in the NYPD. She could face anything… even a broken heart.


	12. Chapter 11

11

The following day while they were walking back to the evacuation centre where Hiroshi had left his daughter, Elliot noticed Olivia's limping seemed to be getting progressively worse even though she was obviously doing her best to try and hide it. He tentatively placed his hand on her back in support.

"Is your ankle troubling you?" he asked.

"It's just from where I fell in the station," she said. "It'll be fine. Don't worry."

Elliot sighed. He wished she would let her guard down sometimes and just let him be there for her. Why did she have to pretend to be so tough all the time? He knew she was upset about something other than her ankle, but she wouldn't talk to him. She had been virtually silent since their interrupted hug outside the toilets the previous night. He assumed she was upset about the earthquake, but he couldn't help wondering if it was also something related to him. Maybe he had got too close? There had been a moment there, where he had almost told her, where he'd leaned in and imagined pressing his mouth to hers. He had almost found the confidence to do it and then Lizzie had interrupted them. In some ways it had been a relief having the decision made for him, but it was tinged with a considerable amount of regret. She had seemed so receptive and it felt like a missed opportunity.

Maybe she wasn't on the same page as him though? Maybe she was just upset and he had almost taken advantage. Maybe she knew that and that was why she was angry and upset with him now? The thought sickened him. He would never ever willingly hurt her and that included jeopardising their friendship for a fling or a brief moment of passion. He hoped she knew that. It's what made telling her how he felt so unbelievably scary. It wasn't as though they could try a couple of dates and then go back to how things were before. This was life-altering. Once he opened his mouth they would be either lovers or strangers. The thought of even the slight potential for the latter was what held him back. The risk was too high.

He looked at her, realising that she was wincing every time she placed weight on her ankle but was stoically carrying on, not wanting to hold everyone back.

"Hiroshi!" he called to the man who was leading the group. Hiroshi stopped and turned back.

"What's up?" he asked. Elliot grinned. His use of natural English but with a slight accent was somewhat amusing.

"Can we take five?" he asked, deciding to pretend it was he who needed the rest rather than risk Olivia's indignant wrath.

"Five what?" asked Hiroshi puzzled.

"Minutes," laughed Elliot. "It means can we take a five minute break!"

"Ah, I see," replied Hiroshi good-naturedly. "Sure."

The small group stopped, looked around and found somewhere to perch. Olivia sank down to the ground, followed by Elliot and Lizzie.

"You didn't have to do that," Olivia said quietly.

"I'm tired! Lizzie's tired. We all need a rest," he replied diplomatically.

"Keeping going is probably better," Olivia continued.

Elliot ignored her. Her expression of relief when she had sat down had already told him she was really glad of the rest.

"How are you doing, Lizzie?" he asked, putting his arm around his youngest daughter.

"I'm fine Daddy," she replied. "This is really bad though, isn't it?" She indicated their devastated surroundings.

Elliot nodded.

"When do you think we will be able to go home?" Lizzie asked.

"I don't know," Elliot replied. "I really don't know what the norm is for something like this? Most of the roads around here are impassable."

"Maybe we should try and get to a city with an airport," suggested Olivia.

"The Embassy told us to stay put for now. They said they would be arranging for the evacuation of American citizens. They said it may take a few days though."

The thought of staying in the overcrowded gym for much longer wasn't appealing to any of them, although thinking like that did invoke a considerable amount of guilt. After all they had survived whilst many others had not. A few days of discomfort was an extremely small price to pay.

"Are you OK to leave?" Hiroshi asked. He was understandably impatient to get back to his daughter.

"Sure," replied Olivia, jumping to her feet, ignoring Elliot's glare. Elliot and Lizzie stood too and the small group started to move again.

"Did you hurt your foot?" Hiroshi asked Olivia as he watched her awkward movements.

"I think I sprained it slightly a few days ago," she said. "It was OK, but I guess all this extra walking is straining it slightly."

"I'm sorry," said Hiroshi. "It's not much further. I left Minami there, you know."

"It's OK," she replied. "I'll rest up when we get there."

Hiroshi's English was really good she thought. He had an accent similar to Ken Watanabe, who had played parts in "The Last Samurai", "Memoirs of a Geisha" and "Letters from Iwo Jima." He spoke softly and there was a sensual overtone which was extremely alluring. It surprised her that she liked his accent so much. Japanese-English pronounced badly sometimes grated, but his accent was soothing and basically pretty sexy. She smiled as her thoughts immediately went back to Elliot. She liked his voice more, she thought, along with his muscles. She imagined running her hands along his skin, feeling them, kissing them.

Her cheeks blushing slightly at the inappropriateness of such erotic thoughts coursing through her head given their situation, she forced her mind elsewhere. The pain in her ankle helped. It was certainly distracting. Then, as her foot hit some loose stones, she let out a slight grunt or a yelp - she wasn't sure which was closer. A new sharper pain immediately shot through her ankle and it felt considerably worse than it had before. She stopped, raising her foot slightly to take the weight off, surprised when it made little difference and the pain remained intense.

Elliot and Hiroshi were immediately at her side, both offering their arms in support. She was mortified to be holding up the whole group as once again everyone stopped for the additional unscheduled break. The two men insisted on helping her down to the ground and Elliot reached for her ankle. Humiliated by the notion that several days in the same shoes and socks with no bath probably wasn't going to be pretty, it wasn't just the pain that caused her to wince as she felt Elliot removing her shoe and sock to get a better look at her now thoroughly swollen foot.

"Ouch," she whimpered as Elliot gently felt along the swollen area. "It's not broken, El. It's just a strain."

"Liv, it's really swollen. You shouldn't be walking on it. If we weren't in the middle of an earthquake disaster zone I would be taking you straight to the hospital!"

"It's not that bad. I'll rest up once we get there and it'll be fine."

"I know, but walking on it is making it worse and we still have several kilometres to go."

A thought suddenly hit her. The logical solution would be for them to drop her off at a nearby evacuation centre and come back for her in a couple of days. The thought of being left alone horrified her, but it was the sensible course of action.

"There must be a place close to here you can leave me," she said.

"Don't be silly!" Elliot said firmly. "There is no way we are separating!"

It was a strange mix of feeling both indignant at having her suggestion so easily dismissed and relief at not being left.

"Then exactly what do you suggest?" she asked sulkily. "The way I see it, there's not much choice but for me to just carry on."

"I'll carry you!" he said, his words echoing in the air as she tried to take in what he was suggesting.

"That's ridiculous!" she scoffed. "I'm not one of your kids. How far do you seriously think you could carry me without killing yourself?

"I still train, Liv. You're not that heavy. Besides I'll carry you on my back, piggy-back style. It's only a couple of kilometres."

"Elliot, please…" she said weakly, torn by the humiliating thought of subjecting to being carried and the desire to feel his back against her chest and have him so close to her in perfectly legitimate circumstances without needing to question or doubt anything. There was a certain attraction to the idea. However, she decided she couldn't really let him carry her.

He was already replacing her sock and shoe though.

"You can't carry me, El," she tried again, pushing his hands away and continuing to replace the items herself.

"I'm not leaving you here!" he said. "Now either let me carry you or you can keep the whole group waiting, although Hiroshi is kind of desperate to see his daughter, you know."

Olivia felt a wave of irritation at his blatant use of emotional blackmail, but it was working. What choice did she have? They probably wouldn't get very far anyway before Elliot realised he had taken on more than he bargained for. She knew roughly how much she weighed and it was probably a few kilos more than Elliot was imagining. She had the hips to prove it, she thought bitterly. That was his fault too, she decided. Comfort eating had become something of a habit after he had left her in the lurch suddenly like that. Not that anyone else would probably notice, but she did. She'd go on a diet after this, she decided: cut some of the junk food and work out a little bit harder. The thought of being pinned against his back, him feeling every single one of her curves suddenly made her nervous.

He was pulling her to her feet now and asking Hiroshi to help him position her on his back. She helplessly acquiesced, wrapping her arms around him, deciding that rather than focus on the embarrassment of being carried, she would focus on the positive side: the fact she got to wrap herself around his body.

The sun was shining down relentlessly and with each step Olivia started to feel worse and worse about the burden she was being on him. After ten minutes she begged him to put her down, deciding that this was too unfair on him and that no way was she going to allow him to walk a step further with her on his back. His brow was covered in perspiration already and he was breathing heavily.

"Elliot, I can't let you carry me any further. It's too hot. I'll lean on you, but you have to let me walk."

"I don't want it to get worse, Liv. I'll be alright."

"No. I won't let you. Elliot, please."

Elliot looked at her apologetically. She was right. It was hard to carry her, especially given the heat and the rubble strewn roads they were negotiating. He asked Lizzie to help and the two of them put their arms around Olivia to support her as they walked. They suggested that the others in the group go on ahead as they were much slower, but Hiroshi refused and so slowly they continued on their way.

By the time they reached the shelter, Olivia was near tears due to the pain which had been building with every step. She felt like her ankle had ballooned and her whole foot felt like it was being squeezed by her shoe. Outside the shelter, Elliot and Lizzie led Olivia to a low wall where they helped her down so she could finally take the weight off her foot.

Hiroshi and the others disappeared inside the gym to find their respective families, taking Lizzie with them who wanted to use the bathroom.

"You OK?" asked Elliot worriedly, placing a hand on Olivia's arm as he asked.

"It hurts like you wouldn't believe," she admitted, "But it'll be OK with a bit of rest, I'm sure."

"I wish we had some ice," Elliot replied.

"I'll be fine, El."

He felt terrible. Once again he couldn't help dwelling on the fact that this whole situation was his fault. They were stuck in an evacuation centre for goodness knows how long with the clothes on their backs and nothing more. Olivia had an injury they couldn't get treated and both of them were traumatised by a natural disaster that basically could hit again at any time. The aftershocks were frequent and everyone's unspoken fear was that there could even be worse to come.

He reached for her leg and lifted it up, resting her foot in his lap.

"You should keep it up," he said, working gently at her shoe to remove it. He saw the tears come to her eyes as he slowly nudged it off and he felt helpless. He didn't even have a painkiller to offer her. He remembered something he had seen on TV once, when a voluntary worker in an Ethiopian refugee camp had explained how the local people felt everything out there and it wasn't like back in the States where people would run to the pharmacy at the slightest sniffle. He had never dreamed he would be in the position of coming close to experiencing that first hand.

He reached out and took her closest hand in his, wrapping his fingers around hers protectively.

"I wish I could do something," he said sadly. "I hate seeing you in pain."

"You're here," she replied simply. He looked straight at her then. Her brown eyes returned his gaze and something stirred inside him. Impulsively he raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it quickly, holding it to his lips afterwards.

"Elliot…" she whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said, embarrassed and releasing her hand. He looked over towards the entrance of the gym and saw Hiroshi appear with Minami who looked upset. Hiroshi quickly came over towards them. Lizzie had also returned from the restroom and joined them. Elliot and Olivia looked at Hiroshi questioningly as they saw the worry on his face and wondered what was wrong.

"It's the little girl we rescued back in the mountains," he said.

"Nonoka?" asked Elliot, remembering the little five year-old, who had lost her mother and who had refused to leave Minami's side since.

"Yes, she's missing," continued Hiroshi coming straight to the point. "She disappeared last night. Minami has been searching everywhere, but there is no sign of her!"


	13. Chapter 12

12

Olivia opened her eyes, surprised that she had fallen asleep in the first place. It was now starting to get light and the last thing she remembered it was the middle of the night and the noise of people moving and coughing and getting up to use the bathroom, not to mention the stifling heat had kept her awake. She had lain there thinking. Elliot lay close beside her but it seemed he had no trouble sleeping as soon as his head had hit the futon. She had stared at him for a while, watching him sleep, imagining him taking her into his arms and holding her all night. Then her thoughts had turned to the day the earthquake had struck, seeing the face of the lady killed by the clothing rail, which was etched into her memory. She remembered seeing the devastation all around, the child wandering with no shoes who had been crying for his mother. She remembered just looking up and down the street as they left the first shelter she and Lizzie had been taken to and immediately realised that the number of trapped and injured far outweighed the number of rescuers. The once vibrant city had been reduced to rubble. She wondered if it was similar or even worse to how the city had looked after the atomic bomb had been dropped at the end of World War Two.

Then she had thought about the little girl that everyone was so worried about, Elliot included. She had found a moment to ask him about her and Elliot had told her about how she was found by neighbours and that her mother had obviously been killed. Her heart had gone out to this stranger. She was just five years old and she was an orphan. Minami was in bits. She felt responsible as she had promised to look after her, but at the end of the day she was eight years old, a child herself. Hiroshi blamed himself, saying he never should have left them. Elliot blamed himself, for not insisting that Hiroshi remain behind. Olivia blamed herself for holding the group up due to her ankle.

Hiroshi had formed a couple of groups of volunteers who had been out searching for her all the previous day. Unfortunately they had found absolutely nothing. He had gone around the hall, asking everyone if there was anyone who could help and he had discovered the shocking fact that up to three other children might also have gone missing. He had slammed his fist into the wall, Elliot style, cursing the authorities for the lack of organisation. All of the children were apparently orphans, so no one had reported them missing. There were just rumours that children who had been playing around the hall had disappeared, no proof. When questioned the community leaders who were supposed to be in charge of the evacuation centre had just shrugged and suggested that the children had probably slipped off to go and find friends or relatives in other evacuation centres. The realisation hit both Elliot and Olivia that absolutely anything could have happened to these vulnerable children and no one seemed to really care.

There wasn't much they could practically do. The mystery of Nonoka's disappearance remained as they had reluctantly gone to bed that night, and with no means to properly investigate, those looking for her were left frustrated and saddened that a five year old girl could just completely disappear like that. They just hoped that wherever she had gone, she had found people to look after her, for no one imagined that a young child would survive long alone.

Olivia glanced down at her watch. She wondered how long she had slept. It was probably only around three hours or so she realised. The one good thing about lying down and resting was that the pain in her foot had diminished slightly. She guessed it was really the strain of the long walk which had made it so much worse. A few days rest and it would probably be much better.

She noticed Elliot stirring and she watched him as he opened his eyes, his face breaking out into a warm smile as soon as he saw her. He quietly sat up and looked over at Lizzie who was still fast asleep and then he silently beckoned for Olivia to follow him outside. She got to her feet, gingerly testing out her ankle, pleased to discover that although sore, it really did seem a little better than the day before. Elliot led the way outside and she hobbled after him.

There were a few other people who had woken early and had gone outside to stretch their legs, but most people were still asleep. The morning light was still faint, but even so it was already hot. Elliot led Olivia to the low wall where they had sat the morning before and they sat down enjoying the certain amount if privacy the early hour afforded them.

"Did you get some sleep?" he asked.

"A little," she said.

"You look exhausted," he commented. The way he was staring at her face made her drop her eyes. She hated being scrutinized, although part of the reason was that she was terrified he would read her eyes and learn exactly what she was thinking.

"It's hard to sleep in there," she admitted.

"Yeah," he agreed.

She smiled now. "Well, you didn't seem to be having much trouble!" she teased.

He shrugged, smiling slightly himself.

There was a brief silence. Olivia felt the nerves permeating her stomach. He was so close. She suddenly remembered that it had been days now since they had showered and she was still in the same clothes. She hated the situation they were in. She must look terrible. It wasn't the way he wanted him to see her.

He seemed to pick up on her discomfort as he reached for her hand now and took it in his. She felt a tingle in her stomach at the contact. She yearned for more. The feeling was so strong she almost leaned in to him then, but she managed to control herself. He started running his fingers along her hand and she closed her eyes briefly at the sensation. She wished she could be back in New York, safe, clean, in her apartment and alone with him.

"Liv," he said, his voice suddenly sounding surprisingly small and vulnerable.

She glanced at him and saw a look in his eye that suggested to her that maybe he might attempt to make a move. It both terrified and enthralled her. She felt frozen to the spot. He leaned forward and placed a hand on the side of her face. It was warm and she welcomed the intimate touch. She looked at him nervously, willing him to do it, willing him to finally just lean in and kiss her. He was hesitating. She wondered if she should just do it, but she couldn't. She was still terrified she was reading the situation wrong. She knew in the back of her mind that this position, with his hand on hers and the other hand on her face was indicative of something more, but she still couldn't bring herself to risk putting herself on the line like that.

She dropped her gaze to his lips then immediately raised her eyes again, meeting his. She recognised the gentleness and longing in them that reflected her own. She felt her muscles tense involuntarily as he moved in closer. Part of her mind was screaming at her to run, but her body remained transfixed. He was so close now she could feel his breath and then his mouth pressed against hers and tentatively, he began to kiss her. She knew he was waiting for her response. Her insides had turned to jelly. She felt his hand moving round to the back of her head and the other hand moving to her waist where he placed it on her hip.

She started to properly kiss him back, the nervousness remaining but the desire winning out. His tongue pressed inside her mouth and she accepted it, deepening the kiss and deepening the raw desire. Their movements were in perfect sync, as though they were meant to be doing this and their mouths belonged together. He pulled her body even closer to him and she was aware of everywhere they were touching. The intensity shocked her. She didn't think she had ever been turned on so much by a kiss as she was right now. She was a grown woman, yet she was kissing him like a teenager, wondering if, should he take things further, she would be able to stop him despite being outside in full view of anyone who happened to wander past.

The reminder that they were indeed outside and in a country where physical affection tended to be kept behind closed doors suddenly hit her. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she forced herself to pull away, her heart almost breaking at the brief expression of hurt on his face as she removed his hands from her and pretended to be smoothing out the creases in her clothes.

"I'm sorry," he said dejectedly, obviously assuming she had decided the kiss was a huge mistake.

"No, Elliot. Please don't say that. It's just here, people will see."

"I don't care!" he said vehemently, reaching out and placing his hand back on her face. He ran his fingers over her skin and she shuddered. Then she felt him pulling her back against him and their lips meeting again. This time he was more urgent, more insistent, showing her exactly what he wanted. She felt her want for him so strongly that it startled her. Her body literally ached for him. His hand went back to her waist and he ran his fingers downwards slowly, stroking her hip and thigh. His eyes were open, fixed on hers. She could see his desire and it was the most intense moment she had perhaps ever experienced. She felt herself melting deeper into his arms, giving herself over to the inevitability of being unable to resist his touch. Her body was no longer her own, for she had no real power over it. She couldn't break away now. She wondered if anything could ever pull her away from him.

Then it did: another strong tremor, one amongst the many that had been constantly buffeting the area ever since the initial quake. He pulled his mouth away from hers, still holding her in his arms, and there was that brief moment, where they both held their breath, wondering how big this one would be. The ground was shaking quite violently, but they quickly realised it wasn't as strong as their initial fears. He continued to hold her and they huddled together, waiting for the ground to cease moving, which it did very shortly.

"Sometimes I wonder if the universe is conspiring against us," he said satirically, resting his head on her shoulder in mock defeat.

She smiled at him. It did seem that every time they got close someone interrupted them or something happened. Impulsively she kissed him on the side of his forehead and then rested her head against his, the sides of their faces touching.

People had started milling around as a result of the latest tremor. Reluctantly they pulled themselves away, neither really ready for a completely public display of their newly-admitted mutual affection, let alone the fact that Lizzie was inside the gym and there was no telling how she would react to her father and his ex-partner playing tonsil hockey in the middle of a disaster zone.

"We need to talk about this," Elliot said seriously as they both got to their feet, a silent understanding between them that returning to the hall was the appropriate action now.

"I know," she said.

He nodded and walking together, but at a distance that would be considered appropriate for two friends, they both wandered back inside.


	14. Chapter 13

13

Three days had passed. There was still no sign of Nonoka or any of the other children who had allegedly disappeared. Even though the evacuation centre was far from comfortable, Olivia had got somewhat used to it and was starting to sleep a little better. Three whole days of complete rest had done wonders for her foot and she was barely limping as she walked now. The more pressing issue was the intense boredom that had set in. There was absolutely nothing to do. She had tried learning a little more Japanese, watching TV, helping some of the ladies serve food and do other simple chores around the place, but just sitting about waiting for the embassy to finally remove them from the shelter was mind-numbingly tedious. Elliot had joined one of the groups of men who left every morning to go out and help in the search for further victims, although everyone had pretty much accepted that by now the only real purpose was to find bodies. She didn't envy him the task itself, but she could understand just how much of a relief it would be for the families, to actually know for sure what had become of their loved ones, rather than forever wonder.

Much to everyone's relief, someone had got hold of the key to the changing rooms and people could now take showers. There was a complicated rota system in place in the evenings for, as they had quickly discovered, most people here seemed to be quite set on a shower before sleeping. They were happy to discover the showers were much less crowded at other times of the day, specifically at lunch time. There had also been spare clothes provided and although they weren't exactly the height of fashion or perfectly sized, it was a lot better than wearing the same old clothes every day. Now they had a change of clothes they could wash the ones they weren't wearing and in the summer heat, drying them was never a problem. It was good to feel clean again and they realised how much they had taken the simple things for granted until now.

Her boredom at a peak, that morning she had begged to go along with him, but Elliot had been quite adamant that she shouldn't strain her foot, even though she had explained it was much better now. She had ended up reluctantly agreeing, not really wanting to potentially cause any further damage. It made sense to make sure it was completely healed. She definitely didn't want a repeat situation of being a hindrance should they need to move at some point soon. She wished Elliot would stay around though. Since their kiss outside, there hadn't been another occasion to be alone like that and they still hadn't talked. He was obviously cautious to show any affection in front of Lizzie and she was left still unsure if the kiss had really changed anything or not, for they certainly weren't acting like a couple. Maybe she had mistaken it? Maybe it was what it was: just a kiss?

She resigned herself to yet another lonely day whilst Elliot went out and Lizzie hung around with some new friends she had made of a similar age. Not seeing much point to the day, after breakfast she had returned to her futon and lain back down. She was surprised when around ten minutes later Elliot came over and sat down beside her.

"I thought you would have left already," she commented listlessly.

"I'm not going today. They can manage without me." He grinned at her and she dared to believe he was glad to get the chance to stay with her.

"Really?" she tried not to sound quite as enthusiastic as she felt.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked. She nodded and he took her hands in his and pulled her to her feet, letting go once she stood up.

"Where shall we go?" she asked curiously.

"I don't know. Just somewhere we can be alone," he smiled back at her. The words sent a tingle of excitement through her that brought her back to her teenage years and memories of her first dates. It was a wonderful sensation to feel like that again.

As soon as they left the gym, he took her hand in his and they walked, wandering away from the school buildings and down the road a little, out of sight of people. There was a small stream with a slightly wooded area running alongside it and Elliot led Olivia into the trees and they found they were now finally completely alone. A little bit further on there were some large rocks. Elliot sat down and pulled her onto his lap. She looked at him questioningly but he didn't allow her time to wonder for without hesitating this time, he took her face in his hands and he kissed her.

She murmured happily as they pressed their lips together. She shifted position, now straddling him and they continued the kiss. A couple of minutes later he pulled away and rested his head against hers, stroking her hair gently.

"I've been waiting to do that," he said.

She slid off his knee and sat next to him, still leaning against him, with him still stroking her hair and her making gentle circles on his thigh.

"What is this Elliot?" she asked nervously. "What are we doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked.

She didn't reply. She wasn't entirely sure what she wanted him to say. She supposed she just wanted to confirm that this meant something to him, that it wasn't just a result of their predicament, a need to feel close because of the horror they had witnessed. She felt the steady rise and fall of his chest and took in his scent as she ran her fingers up and down his upper leg and travelling up to his chest, unable to resist touching him, as if she needed to constantly remind herself that he was really here, holding her, touching her.

"Liv…" he said finally. "I'm not very good at this sort of thing. I don't know what to say. I just know that I want to be kissing you and holding you and I want you…" He paused as he realised how that must have sounded. "I mean, I want to be with you," he mumbled awkwardly.

She looked at him and smiled. There was a shine in her eyes that made him want to kiss her again. Before she could say anything he leaned in and brought his lips to hers again. She melted into the kiss.

"Does this mean there's an 'us' now?" she asked hesitantly, as they finally separated.

"It must certainly does!" he said fervently.

…

They had spent the morning kissing, talking and wishing they had the privacy of a room to take things further, yet at the same time the intimacy of the initial kisses, knowing they couldn't go further, (yet anyway), was surprisingly exhilarating. There was something captivating about holding back, building up the anticipation and the expectation. Every kiss seemed to stoke the fire that burned inside her, a fire that until now she had never nurtured but rather tried to control and suppress. As he held her, pressed against her, felt her through her clothes, she shuddered with trepidation.

In some ways it was like they were entering forbidden territory, exploring a place that was completely taboo. The old rules and constraints of their partnership were difficult to just put aside. It was such a change to be with him like this. She imagined how Fin or Munch or even the Captain would react to their newly developing relationship and she couldn't help but feel nervous about what was to come even though she craved more intimacy. The feeling they were breaking the old rules a little added to the thrill and desire and kissing him was positively intoxicating. She wondered at how they had never done this before. No-one had ever kissed her like this and stirred such emotions within her. Aware that it sounded dramatic even to her, she knew that she never wanted to kiss anyone else again.

They reluctantly wandered back to the gym in time for lunch, knowing that Lizzie would be expecting to see them. It was just another day waiting around and so they weren't expecting anything to have happened, but a crowd had formed and the atmosphere suggested that in fact something had.

"What's going on?" Elliot asked Hiroshi as soon as they managed to pick him out of the crowd. Minami was at his side.

"Aika, one of the little girls who disappeared has returned!" he said.

"Really? Where was she?" Elliot asked, immediately wondering if this would lead to them discovering the whereabouts of little Nonoka.

"She said she was wandering around outside when a nice lady came up to her and offered to give her some toys to take back for the children to play with. This lady told her they would have to walk back to her house though and so Aika followed her, not suspecting the lady was anything but genuine."

Elliot's expression hardened as Hiroshi continued. This was starting to sound like an all too familiar story and he began to put up the emotional walls that he instinctively suspected he would need to hear the rest of this story. The cases involving children had always hit him the hardest. He felt his fists clenching slightly as his past experiences told him to prepare to hear the worst. Then he felt Olivia's hand rest on his arm and he took a deep breath. Her touch had an instant calming effect on him.

"They apparently walked for ages," Hiroshi continued. "They're trying to get her to draw a map right now, but she's only six and so we're not sure how much information she will remember. Anyway she was taken to a large house and once inside she was locked in a room with other children."

"Was Nonoka there?" Elliot asked quickly, as Hiroshi paused for breath.

"Yes. She said Nonoka was brought there a couple of days after she got there. She also said the lady told them they would be given new mummies and daddies and that they should forget about their old ones. Aika was scared and didn't want a new family so she managed to escape by jumping out of a window and hiding in some bushes in the garden. She waited until dark and then managed to crawl through the bushes and escape into the street, from where she wandered until she met some people who brought her here. We suspect this is the work of the local mafia exploiting the earthquake to find children for underground adoption. The authorities have been so inefficient in keeping records that in most cases an orphaned child disappearing wouldn't raise any alarms. It would be assumed they had just run away to another centre or been killed in the earthquake or something."

"Geez!" said Elliot heavily. "You mean there could be any number of children who have been taken like this and nobody is even aware? We need to talk to the police."

"I'm not sure what good it would do? The police are stretched to their limits helping with the rescue, the clean up and policing the government buildings that have survived the quake. There are even some people who believe these children are better off being sold into adoption, for life in an institution is not ideal.

"But it's wrong. They are children, not commodities to be sold," Olivia piped up. She kind of agreed with the fact that an adoption would be better than a children's home, but there had to be better and legal ways to go about it.

"I agree," said Hiroshi. "I'm going to talk to the police and see if they will help."

"Those poor children must be terrified!" Olivia said sadly.

…

Hiroshi returned from his chat with the police frustrated. He had wandered down the road to where they had stationed themselves and explained the situation, but they had just instructed him to forget about it, as there was nothing they could do given the extent of the disaster and the fact that their resources were so stretched.

"The police won't do a thing!" he said bitterly once he returned to the gym. "In fact it wouldn't surprise me if they were in the Mafia's pockets anyway. They just told me to leave the issue alone and not get involved."

"Maybe I should try talking to the American Embassy?" suggested Elliot. "Maybe they can put pressure on the police or something?"

"I guess it's worth a shot," agreed Hiroshi, although he didn't look too hopeful.

"I think we should make sure the remaining children here are supervised at all times," suggested Olivia.

"Yes, I think that would be sensible," Hiroshi agreed.

…

The rest of the day went slowly with their frustration at the situation only growing. Elliot had called the embassy but they had told them they couldn't get involved in internal Japanese affairs. They had decided the only thing they could really do was to attempt to mount a rescue themselves, but they had no weapons, no equipment and aside from Olivia and Elliot, none of the others in the group who volunteered to help had any military or police training. They were dealing with the local mafia, not amateurs and Elliot and Olivia knew they needed to plan this carefully. Luckily Aika had provided them with reasonable directions and they had a fairly good idea of where the children were being held. The initial plan was that the following morning a small group of them would head out and try to locate the building without drawing attention to themselves, with the goal of finding out exactly what they were dealing with to help them formulate a rescue plan.

…

That night Elliot laid down on his futon next to Olivia, wishing that he could wrap his arms around her. It was impossible being so close to her yet unable to touch her. He wondered if maybe he should consider talking to Lizzie in the morning and tell her about them, so that he wouldn't have to keep everything quite so hidden. He knew Lizzie liked Olivia and she was an adult now, but he was still nervous. It was a big step. He wanted all of his children to be on board and accept her happily.

Unable to resist he reached out and placed his hand in hers. She squeezed him back, telling him that she too was still awake. He couldn't wait for the opportunity to finally be with her, feel himself inside her, to finally get the release he was so desperate for. She was so beautiful and she was his – almost.


	15. Chapter 14

14

When Elliot woke he still had his hand on hers. His grip had loosened and it was now just technically resting against her, but he was moved to feel he was still touching her. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the all-encompassing desire to be alone with her. He quickly glanced around the hall. Everyone seemed to be sleeping although he was aware a few early risers had gone outside for a smoke or an early morning walk. He squeezed her hand slightly and she stirred. He immediately felt guilty for disturbing her.

"Go back to sleep." He whispered softly. "I'm sorry I woke you."

Instead she smiled at him and then she began to sit up.

"You fancy a shower?" she asked, brushing back some stray hair that had fallen over her face as she had slept.

His heart almost stopped. Was she suggesting what he thought she was suggesting: a shower together! He suddenly felt extremely nervous. There was nothing he wanted more than to see her naked, but this was new territory. He suddenly felt self-conscious about his battle scarred body, those tattoos that weren't usually on such open display, the fact that he had never been naked with a woman other than Kathy and then the main fact that it was her; Olivia Benson. There was no way he would be able to control his reaction and she would be able to see it as clear as day. The shower wasn't the place he would have chosen for their first time. He wanted to take her out, go through the whole clichéd dating routine; wine her, dine her and take her back to either his place or hers where they could take their time exploring each other.

Of course the idea of seeing her naked right now was the force that won out and he found himself giddily nodding, getting to his feet and following her eagerly towards the showers.

When they reached them, they looked around to make sure no one else was around and she slipped inside the men's shower block with him. It was mutually agreed that potentially a man walking in on her would probably be less of a hassle than a woman walking in on Elliot in the female showers. When Hiroshi had taken Elliot to the hot spring baths on the day of the earthquake, he had explained that sometimes older women would go in the male baths and no one batted an eyelid. It seemed here there was a more open attitude to nudity then back home. Not that Elliot had any intention of allowing any other men to get an eyeful. He would keep a sharp ear out and make sure she was covered up before anyone could get more than three steps through the door.

There was a shy pause as they reached the changing room and were left with the sole task of removing their clothes.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.

"It's just a shower," she shrugged.

"Right…" He took a deep breath and began to unbutton his shirt and watched as she nervously started to do the same. He wondered if his heart had ever beaten this fast before in his life. It was almost making him dizzy. He could feel his lower body physically reacting already and she had only undone two buttons, barely revealing her neck. This was heading in only one direction, he was certain.

Against every natural instinct, he suddenly stopped and pulled her into his arms.

"I can't do this, Liv. I want to so much, but I'll want more, I know I will."

"Is that so bad?" she asked seductively.

He was struggling hard to fight his desire for immediate satisfaction and stick to what his head was telling him was the right thing to do.

"No, but we can't here," he said. What if someone walks in? Besides I want our first time to be special."

"It will be, wherever we do it, El," she said earnestly, making him want to kiss her then and there.

"God, if only you knew how hard this is," he stammered. He released her, turning his head away and started buttoning up his shirt again, wondering if he wasn't actually the world's craziest man for not taking this opportunity.

"You're right," she said quietly. "It's just we don't know how long we're going to be stuck here and I want you so bad… but we've waited all these years… what's a few more days?"

He looked straight back at her, her words almost changing his mind for good, but he once again simply reached forward and took her into his arms, this time following with a kiss. He closed his eyes as he pressed his lips to hers, savouring the sensation, imagining actually being able to throw her down on the bed and make love to her in as many ways as he could. Then he reluctantly pulled away and led her back outside.

…

The small group had assembled a short distance down the road. Lizzie had promised to keep a constant eye on Minami whilst Hiroshi, Elliot and Olivia were away, although they didn't expect to be gone for too long. They estimated it would be a forty minute walk directly to the suspected site the children were being held, but they had decided that it would be better to plot a more indirect route to make it look as though they had wandered into the area less deliberately. As they walked they chatted lightly. Elliot enquired after Olivia's foot a couple of times, but she insisted it was much better now. Both found they were enjoying the exercise, although once again they were hit by all the damage that had been caused by the earthquake. It slowed down their progress somewhat, but the gentle pace was probably better anyway, as they didn't want to attract any attention. The more they saw of the destruction, the more they understood why it might be taking the US army long to get them out of here.

When they finally drew close to their destination, they realised that the buildings in this area were for some reason generally in much better shape than those further back towards the city centre. It was fascinating how the tremors seemed to hit certain areas harder than others. Elliot guessed it was all to do with the composition of the earth, but he struggled to remember his high school science lessons and really wasn't entirely sure he knew the reason why. Seeing the aftermath of a large quake with his own eyes however, was considerably more disturbing than watching images broadcast over the news. This was devastatingly real.

They did a wide sweep of the outside of the building and decided they were dealing with perhaps only two guards posted outside. Elliot supposed it wasn't all that surprising there were so few, given the fact that the local mafia usually faced little resistance plus they were currently situated in the midst of one of the worst natural disasters the country had seen in a long time. Most people were consumed with much more pressing needs, such as finding missing loved ones and coming to terms with the loss of their homes and lives as they knew them.

"It doesn't seem too well guarded," he whispered to Hiroshi. "Maybe we should make a move now?"

"No, I don't think that's a good idea. We should go in at night, under cover of darkness." Elliot felt a slight pang of irritation. He was the ex-police detective after all, not Hiroshi. Still, the man knew his country better than he did. Maybe he was right?

"We should try and get a better look now though," Elliot insisted. "I could pose as a Father desperate to find his lost daughter and we could try and get a peek inside. They may have more guards in there."

"I don't know," said Hiroshi nervously. "These people might not sound bad compared to the kind of gangs you deal with back in the US, but believe me they are ruthless when necessary."

"I would never underestimate them," replied Elliot quickly. "But it would be helpful to get a look inside."

"What about her?" asked Hiroshi, indicating Olivia. "I think they would be less of a threat to a woman. If she could look upset…"

"It might work," Olivia agreed, seeing the worried look on Elliot's face and laying a hand on his arm. He easily picked up on her double meaning. She was telling him not to worry but also warning him not to start getting over-protective. He tried to slow his breathing. She was a seasoned detective, as experienced and as tough as they come. She knew what she was doing and he needed to trust her.

"OK, let's try it," he agreed. He would give the idea his blessing, but the uneasiness was gnawing at him and he knew he would be on edge until this was over. Maybe this was a crazy idea? Sending her in with no weapons, no back-up? Of course Hiroshi would have to go with her or else they wouldn't get very far due to the language barrier. Even so, Elliot was uncomfortable. He hated not personally having her back.

He watched as Olivia stepped away from the group and crouched down to concentrate on getting into character. She would no doubt be conjuring up images of past upsetting events, attempting to force the tears to come. He guessed it shouldn't be too hard, even just thinking about the things they had seen over the last few days. He hated the idea that she might be remembering some of the more traumatic cases or events they had been through. Finding all those dead children who had been killed by the leader of that cult, the dead baby in a box, in fact all the children they had come across, murdered, abused, deserving unconditional love but instead being denied that basic human right… then there was Sealview. He felt his own mood sinking rapidly and he decided he needed to force himself to stop or else he would end up appearing more distraught than she was.

After a few minutes, now looking completely the part of a terrified and desperate mother, she rose to her feet and rejoined the group. Elliot immediately stepped towards her, the concern etched on his face. There was only one thing worse than him remembering all that stuff: it was the thought of her remembering it all and hurting.

"It's OK, El," she said, "I can do this." She had tears streaming down her face , which she didn't bother to wipe and he wanted to refuse to allow her to go and instead take her in his arms and comfort her and help her forget everything she had forced herself to remember.

Instead he nodded and watched as she and Hiroshi headed towards the building.

…

They returned around twenty minutes later, much to everyone's relief. It appeared their story had been accepted and they were assured there weren't any foreign children on the premises, neither had any been seen in the general area. Olivia had then taken the bold step of asking to use the bathroom, with her request surprisingly being granted. Hiroshi had been forced to wait outside, but she had been taken inside and shown to the bathroom, the trip revealing to her that their initial suspicions were confirmed: there seemed to be very few guards around.

Elliot's look when she returned safely revealed clearly his sheer relief and the group started to walk away, aiming not to attract any further attention.

It was hot and they were all wiping perspiration away as they walked. The area they were traversing was woody and fairly overgrown. Hiroshi turned back towards Olivia and Elliot to explain that it was near impossible to keep up with controlling the rapid growth of weeds and grasses during the humid summers.

Suddenly he stopped mid-sentence, an urgent look on his face.

"Don't move!" he instructed in a low voice. The group paused, looking at him questioningly.

"Mamushi!" he exclaimed. "Just there," he pointed just to the side of Olivia and it was all she could do not to panic as she realised what he was looking at. A huge diamond backed snake was literally thirty centimetres away from her foot, definitely within striking distance. She paled, guessing from Hiroshi's panicked expression that this wasn't the kind of snake you wanted to be bitten by, especially not in an earthquake ravaged city where hospital treatment was unlikely.

"Don't move!" Hiroshi told her, speaking slowly in a low tone. She wondered how on earth he could seriously expect her not to. She could feel her hands shaking as she stared at the snake, which seemed to be staring straight back at her, unflinching in its gaze. Gripped with fear, she was unable to take her eyes off it. She hadn't even considered the possibility of there being snakes around. It just reminded her that she was a city girl through and through. She hardly dared breathe as she willed the snake to move off to greener pastures. She tried to tell herself that it was likely more scared of her than she was of it, but she knew that was bullshit. She was scared shitless.

**A/N The Japanese "Mamushi" is a venomous pitviper found in China, Japan and Korea. It is the most common snake in Japan. Wiki estimates 2000-3000 people are bitten every year, requiring an average of a week's treatment in hospital. Bites can be fatal. **


	16. Chapter 15

15

Elliot found himself almost squirming as he fought his instinct to want to immediately reach for her and pull her to safety. However he remained where he was; not wanting to move and be the cause of the snake actually striking her. It was a good sized snake. Not that he was an expert in vipers, but it looked big enough to him. It was also fairly well camouflaged for the most part, although the head was as clear as day against the concrete pavement they were walking along. It was a true stand-off; neither they nor the snake were moving. He briefly questioned if it was even alive, it was so still.

"Should I back away?" Olivia whispered nervously. Standing still wasn't getting her anywhere, for the snake appeared perfectly content to wait it out. She on the other hand wasn't sure how long she could manage to stand this close to the creature without developing a full on panic attack. She wasn't exactly a fan of snakes. She didn't mind them in the zoo, when they were safely in a glass tank, but out here face to face to one she found herself feeling extremely vulnerable and this one in particular she decided had a nasty look in its eye.

"Don't make any sudden movements!" Hiroshi warned her. She fought the impulse to just turn and run as fast as she could without looking back and instead she started to step away extremely slowly. To her relief the snake just continued to stare at her and didn't even flinch. She wondered if there would be any warning if it did strike or if it would just suddenly lash out. With each step that took her further away she felt her body starting to relax and her breathing rate slow down. Once she was safely out of range, the group moved on, giving the still motionless snake a wide berth as they slipped past and carried on walking. Elliot immediately went straight to her side and placed an arm on hers.

"You OK?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said, feeling a little embarrassed now at how scared she had been considering it had all come to nothing in the end.

"This trip has been just one thing after another," he said heavily. "When we get back, I just want a quiet couple of weeks, with no drama whatsoever!"

"I totally agree!" she said. "Oh and lots of take-out!"

"Mmm, yeah," he said eagerly. They had never eaten so much rice as they had over the last few days. He was tired of the bland meals, although it was difficult to admit that, since the fact he had meals at all was something he felt he ought to be grateful for.

Hiroshi sidled up to them and asked Olivia if she was OK. She nodded quickly.

"The Mamushi is a nasty snake," he said thoughtfully.

"Yeah," she agreed, wishing he would just change the subject. Surely there had to be something more interesting to talk about?

"So is there any other dangerous wildlife we need to be wary of?" asked Elliot curiously.

"No I don't think so. Just monkeys, inoshishi, which are a type of wild boar, oh and bears."

"Bears?" asked Olivia in disbelief. "Like seriously?"

"Yes. They're sometimes seen around here." Hiroshi smiled as he saw the uncertain expression now apparent on both Elliot's and Olivia's faces.

"Don't worry. They are more in the mountains. There probably won't be any around here."

"Riiiiight," Olivia said doubtfully, wondering just how many more surprises there would be while they were out here.

They both watched Hiroshi as he slipped on ahead to talk with the other members of the group.

"You know what though?" Elliot said slipping his hand into hers suddenly, unsure how she would react in public like this, although no one was actually looking in their direction as they were now tailing the group. "There is one good thing about this trip."

"Yeah?" she asked, smiling at him as she understood his meaning.

"Yeah," he replied. "It's brought us together again and in a way I never imagined."

"True," she agreed, squeezing his hand slightly, sending goose bumps down his spine. His tough and beautiful ex-partner was willingly holding his hand… and it felt amazing.

…

Later that day, after darkness had fallen, the group re-gathered. They had returned to the gym earlier and spent the rest of the day preparing for the rescue attempt by discussing their plans and resting a little as they weren't sure how long into the night it would take. They hoped they could sneak into the building round the back, without running into any guards and then find Nonoka and leave with her before they caught any unwanted attention. Both Elliot and Olivia knew it was a shaky plan. A lot could go wrong. They didn't have much choice though. They had no weapons, no police support and no equipment. They didn't even have a blueprint of the building. It was basically just a desperate attempt which relied on a great deal of luck. Chances are they would be unsuccessful, but they had all agreed that it was worth a try. They just had to hope that should they get caught inside the building they would manage to get themselves out of the situation with no serious consequences.

As they walked along the dark road and the reality of their rescue attempt hit, Elliot wondered why he had even agreed to this absurd plan. It did seem a little ridiculous to just assume they could break into a guarded building, even if it did seem minimally so, find a child who was being held goodness knows where inside and then leave without attracting any attention. The fact that the child was just five years old was also something that made him nervous. What if she refused to leave? What if she was scared and cried or shouted out? Children could be notoriously unpredictable. A feeling of foreboding had set in and he was close to suggesting they turn back. The only thing holding him back was that if they did, there was no one else to help.

Everyone was quiet, lost in their own thoughts and just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. Olivia couldn't help remembering the earlier mention of bears and kept a nervous look-out for anything resembling one. She also made sure to stay in the centre of the pavement, away from any bushes or grass, not wanting a repeat of the earlier snake incident. She wasn't sure if vipers were active at night or not, but she wasn't planning on taking any chances and finding out.

The temperatures at night didn't seem to change much from during the day. It was very slightly cooler perhaps, but it was still just as humid and sticky. Olivia found her clothes sticking to her skin and it made walking uncomfortable. She couldn't wait to get back, take a shower and slip into her futon, with Elliot by her side. She longed for the day they would get to go out on the date he had promised her and they'd finally make love for the first time. The thought sent a tingle of excitement down her spine but at the same time she felt nervous. What if they didn't gel in the bedroom? What if he compared her to his ex-wife and she fell short? She shook her head, telling herself not to be so ridiculous. She wanted him and he wanted her. That was all that mattered.

They approached the building from the rear. There were six of them but it was decided that only Hiroshi and Elliot should actually go inside: Hiroshi because Nonoka knew and trusted him; Elliot because the group had decided that the yakuza would probably be more nervous about harming an American citizen and the subsequent media attention and scrutiny that would arise. In addition Nonoka also knew him, so hopefully she wouldn't hesitate to leave with them.

Olivia was frustrated that she wouldn't be able to go in and be part of the action, but Nonoka had never seen her before and so it made sense that it should be Elliot. Those left waiting outside were to keep a general eye out and be ready to provide a distraction if it became necessary. First though, they needed to find a way in.

They slowly crept around the back of the building checking the doors and windows, hoping to find one unlocked. Things obviously weren't going to be that easy though, for none they tried would budge.

"So, what do we do now?" Elliot asked. Smashing a window didn't seem the best idea, given they were supposed to be sneaking in quietly.

"We just try a little higher up," replied Hiroshi confidently, indicated the second floor where there were several open windows.

Elliot grinned to himself dryly. He must be losing his edge. That's what retirement from the force did to you, he supposed. It was amazing how quickly he'd got out of the habit of thinking on his feet. Hiroshi though was obviously in the wrong career. He'd never met someone so adept and knowledgeable in pretty much every situation they had come across so far. Was there a limit to this guy's abilities? Elliot decided there probably wasn't.

"Can you boost me up?" Hiroshi asked, indicating a porch over the back door which was level with the first floor. It looked like if they managed to climb up there, they could probably reach the open window which was closest. It was a risk, for if they were honing in on the wrong room, their plans could come undone before they had even got inside. Anyone who was inside that room would no doubt hear them scrabbling about on the roof as they climbed up and then tried to clamber across towards the window. What choice did they really have though?

Elliot nodded and he and one of the other guys linked hands. Hiroshi placed his foot on top and then after a whispered 1-2-3, they pushed just as Hiroshi leapt upwards managing to reach the roof at a high enough angle to hoist his whole body up and on to it. Once his legs were up, he gingerly edged his way along, while everyone watched anxiously from the ground. He moved cautiously, not wanting to produce any more noise than necessary. He finally reached the wall and stood, inching his way towards the open window. He paused just before it and then slowly he started to slide his head across so that he could peek through. Once he managed to get a good view, he signalled the all clear to Elliot, which was his cue to join him.

Olivia watched as Elliot slowly clambered over the roof towards the window, following Hiroshi's exact route. She tried to force the anxiety away. He wouldn't slip. He'd be fine. Hiroshi had managed it with no problems. Elliot was fit and agile. Any second he'd be there. She felt the relief when he joined Hiroshi by the wall. Now they had something solid to cling to, she felt he was a little safer. Hiroshi reached towards the window and it noiselessly slid fully open. Then with a quick glance at Elliot, who nodded his agreement, he raised his leg over the sill and climbed inside, closely followed by Elliot. She waited nervously as both men completely disappeared inside the room. A minute later Elliot reappeared and signalled down that they were going in to check out the rest of the building.

Olivia knew there was nothing she could do now but wait and hope they found Nonoka and managed to get her out without running into anyone. The waiting was going to be agonising though. She missed the comfort of their radios which had kept them in touch with each other when they had been separated on the job. Here they had absolutely nothing. She hated waiting around at the best of times, but this was going to be torture. She glanced at the other members of the group. They didn't appear flustered in the slightest. Then again, why would they be? They weren't in love with anyone who had disappeared inside.


	17. Chapter 16

16

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Elliot reappear at the window around twenty minutes later. She stared waiting for him to look back at her, meet her gaze and confirm everything was OK. It was a simple look that during their long partnership she had come to rely on to read the situation and old habits die hard. She was rewarded quickly, however, as his eyes met hers and confirmed everything had gone well. There was something different about them lately though, she couldn't help thinking. They seemed almost as though they were more vibrant, a glimmer of happiness shining through? She understood. She felt the same way. He made her feel alive and like she could face anything by his side.

After Elliot swung his legs over the window, he reached in and pulled out a young girl who Olivia assumed must be Nonoka. She looked surprisingly calm for a child who had been woken in the middle of the night and was now being escorted out of the second-floor window. Olivia stepped forward, to help receive the child when Elliot lowered her down to the ground. She knew the girl had lost her mother and her heart went out to her.

Hiroshi was the last to appear. As they all climbed down carefully, everyone's relief was apparent. No one could believe just how easy it had been. They had managed to sneak in and remove a child with no resistance whatsoever! It was almost too good to be true and it made Olivia slightly nervous. She would feel a lot better once they returned to the school gym. Nonoka was exhausted and she fell asleep in Hiroshi's arms within ten minutes of them setting off back for the evacuation site. They walked along silently, all pleased they had pulled this off but still sombre as there had been other children in there whose fates were less certain. Unfortunately it was a sad fact of life that it was often impossible to save everyone.

…

Two days later they received news that the US air force was finally able to get them on a plane home. It was strange saying goodbye to Hiroshi and everyone else. They had been through so much together and they had grown surprisingly close. It was a huge wrench, but both Olivia and Elliot were extremely grateful they would finally get to go back home, taking Lizzie safely back with them.

Olivia couldn't help but feel slightly nervous about where their relationship would go now. It was like an alternate universe being in a completely foreign country and then experiencing a tragic natural disaster like they had. What if it had just been the circumstances that had pushed them together? What if they got back and Elliot regretted that they had moved their relationship on? Once they were back to the hum drum routine of city life, work, families; well his anyway, and all the myriad of things that consumed their everyday lives, would they still feel the same about each other? More to the point, would he? Olivia was knew what she felt was real. She was terrified that after having a taste of what could be, she would have to go back to being apart from him, alone and lonely. He had left her once before. What if he did it again?

…

Her landlord opened the door for her and she stepped inside. She had lost her keys when the earthquake had struck, as she had left them in her hotel room and so she would need to get them all replaced. She thanked her landlord and he left. She locked the door behind her and glanced around. It seemed so quiet. She had grown used to being surrounded by hundreds of other warm bodies in the shelter and now her empty apartment just seemed exceedingly lonely. Elliot had gone with Lizzie to see his kids and Kathy and so she had come home alone. She wasn't sure why she had expected things to be any different. Of course he would go and see his kids straight away. They were quite rightly the most important thing in his life. It wasn't that she didn't understand that. It was just that she wanted to come home to somebody too, she supposed.

She slung her handbag down and just stood, staring at everything for a while. It was so emotional coming back here. She kept thinking of Hiroshi, Minami, Nonoka, Aika and all the others who were still out there, still facing the challenge of rebuilding their shattered lives, still living in fear of aftershocks. It was almost unreal. Nothing could be further than that reality than being here right now. She wanted to talk about it, remember the people, get some of it out of her system, but none of her friends would get it. The only person who would was Elliot and he wasn't there.

What was she doing? Could it really work between them? Could she accept being in second place after his children? What about taking things further? They had been partners and friends for so long that the thought of intimacy was a little daunting. If things didn't work out there would be no going back. He seemed to have the impression that she was out dating all these hot guys, having casual sex, but the truth was that most of her dates had never got anywhere near her bedroom. She was much too guarded to just let anyone in. She had been hurt too many times. She wanted so badly to be able to let go with Elliot, love him and let him love her, but she was scared. What if he was expecting her to be more experienced than she was? What if he compared her to Kathy? What if he decided he preferred Kathy?

She could feel her mood sinking by the second. The whole Elliot situation, the relief at being home, the guilt she felt at being home when so many people back there were suffering, the loneliness at coming back to a city where no one was there to welcome her, the sadness she felt at missing his presence. She wanted him with her so much that it hurt, but she also hated the fact that she wanted him. She hated feeling dependent on someone else. Happiness was something you made for yourself. It should never be reliant on anyone else. She believed that. However, she knew that Elliot being in her life was the one thing that really did make her happy. She had once buried the sadness and pain at his leaving her like he had and tried to ignore it. Now she was convinced she would no longer be able to if things went wrong between them.

She wandered over to the fridge, wondering if there was anything edible in it. At least there was some beer. She took one out and cracked it, not even bothering with a glass. Maybe she'd get some take-out later. Come to think of it, she wasn't really that hungry anyway. The beer would suffice for now, she decided. She walked over to the sofa, sank down, drew up her knees and clasped the can tightly in both hands. Her brain was in overdrive, just thinking about everything, her life; the last couple of weeks. She couldn't even pinpoint one particular trigger, but she felt the tears welling. What the hell. She was alone and there was no one there to see. She allowed them to fall unchecked, occasionally sipping at her beer as she cried, releasing some of the tension that had built up. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice it begin to get dark.

…

The doorbell ringing interrupted her musings and for a second she wondered if it was the take-out guy. Only she hadn't ordered anything. She smiled at her own absurdity. Who could it be though? She walked over, daring to imagine it could be him. Surely he wouldn't be back this soon though? She peeked through the peep hole and realised her suspicions had been correct. Then she remembered she had been crying and panicked.

"Erm, hang on," she called. "I won't be a minute." She switched the lights on, then hurried to the bathroom and splashed water on her face, trying to reduce the redness of her eyes as best she could. She brushed her hair and left it loose, hoping it might take some of the focus away from her eyes. Not wanting to keep him waiting any longer, she returned to the door and let him in.

"Hey," he said, as he slipped inside and immediately took her in his arms, wrapping them around her. His tenderness made her feel the tears threatening to fall again and she struggled to hold them back.

"I missed you," he whispered. She smiled, but still didn't trust herself to speak. "Are you OK?" he asked. She nodded and nuzzled into his neck, hoping her action would disguise how close to tears she was right now.

"Liv," he said. "Talk to me. You're not OK, are you?"

"I am, El," she said, determined not to cause him to worry about her. "I guess it's just emotional coming back here. I can't stop thinking about everyone back there."

"I know what you mean," he said soberly.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," she said suddenly.

"What? Why would you think that?" he said, pulling back slightly, still holding her arms, but now looking directly at her face.

She lowered her gaze, looking a little embarrassed; the vulnerability in her pose taking him a little by surprise. He couldn't believe she had doubted his intentions. Had she really been thinking he wouldn't come?

"Liv, I'm not going anywhere," he said sincerely. "Look at me." He reached for her chin and raised her head so that she was now looking into his eyes. "I love you," he said. He saw her eyes filling with fresh tears and so he repeated his words.

"I love you too," she whispered. "I really do."

He leaned in and placed his lips to hers, kissing her briefly, before pulling away and taking her hand.

"Liv, I want to take you out on a date, but I don't know... I just want it to be you and me; no one else."

"I know. I feel the same. Let's get take-out and eat here."

"Great." An expression of nervousness suddenly came over his face and he hesitated briefly before speaking.

"Liv… I want to be with you tonight."

She looked at him and smiled, nervous but also elated.

"I want to be with you too," she said shyly.

He leaned in again, this time pressing his lips to hers more urgently, placing his hands on her head and feeling her soft hair in his fingers. All thoughts of take out left both of their minds as their desire for one another took over. They parted lips as he took her hand and led her to the bedroom…

…

Afterwards they lay on their sides, facing each other, entwined in one another's arms. He was stroking her hair and she was making circles on his back.

"I want this – us – to work, Liv," he said seriously.

"Me too," she whispered back.

"You have to promise me that you'll talk to me, let me know what's going on with you."

"I will," she replied.

He was silent for a few moments.

"Liv, why were you crying before I came?"

She tensed. He could feel it and he could feel her instinctively starting to pull away from him, but he just held on to her even more tightly. He wasn't going to let her avoid this. Something was bothering her and he wanted to know what it was.

"Liv, whatever it is, you can tell me. I won't judge and I want to understand."

"El, it was nothing," she said. "I think I was just overwhelmed about getting home."

"That's not everything, is it?" he asked. "Did I do something?"

"No. You didn't do anything… I just…"

"Tell me." He was looking at her earnestly now. She felt herself melting. He said he loved her. He wanted to be with her. Maybe she should just let go and actually believe it.

"I've been alone for so long…" she said. "It's just weird getting my head round the fact you really want to be with me."

He realised then what she was trying to say. She was terrified he was going to leave again.

"Oh, Liv, I'm so sorry. Please know I will never leave you again. I can't ever make up for what I did, but you have to believe me now. It's the thing I regret the most and I will regret for the rest of my life. I love you so much. I'm here to stay, I promise."

"I'm trying," she said shakily. "I want to believe it. I mean I do, I just…. You have your kids and everything."

"My kids are important Liv, of course they are, but you are just as important to me as they are. You aren't second place to my children, Liv. You are up there with them. I love them and I love you. You have to know that. You have to believe that."

"I…" was all she could manage.

"I will just keep saying it again and again until you start to believe it," he said.

"I do believe you," she said, realising that she actually did.

He leaned in and once again their lips met. Olivia closed her eyes and gave into the sensation of kissing the man she loved…and who loved her back.

- The End -

**A/N I decided to wrap this up as I have another story I will be working on from tonight. Many thanks as always for the reviews, follows and favourites. **


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